Old Loves Die Hard
by itwasyounme
Summary: It's 6 years after Beca took off from Barden without telling anybody and decided to go to L.A. Chloe is a barmaid in a small bar in the City of Angels too. One night, Beca walks in her bar, but a lot has happened in 6 years and they don't recognize each other. Six years ago, Beca fell in love with Chloe, will it happen again?
1. Prologue Chapter 1

PROLOGUE

_"What did you think was going to happen Mitchell? " Beca scoffs to herself as she finishes to pack her things. It's been three months now since Chloe left. Three excruciatingly painful months where she had to pretend like she was having a good time. The thing is, she's not; not even a little bit. The old Bellas are trying their best, but it's just not enough. "Because you messed up. Again." She growls at herself, furiously throwing clothes in her suitcase, being done with her mixing equipment. She really did messed things up this time, really bad, and she doesn't think it can be fixed. Chloe is gone, and she barely has time to text her once a day, always sorry and promising she'll answer faster, but she never does. Three months where Beca has been anxiously waiting for her feelings to go away now that their source was gone. Three months since she saw Chloe's bright smile last._

_Three months she didn't hear her call her name._

_Beca slumps on her bed and groans in frustration. She's been over this for million times, but it's always the same. She finally gathered the courage to call her dad and ask if he was still willing to pay her way to L.A. For once, he didn't ask any questions and simply made the necessary plans for her while she packed. There she is now, waiting for him to get here so she can fly to LA._

_She didn't mean to leave like that, but things became too overwhelming for her. Not having Chloe around was too hard for her, and instead of just telling the redhead what she was feeling, she opted to disappear, thinking it was better anyway. Beca worked herself up against Chloe by convincing herself the ginger never really cared that much since she left without proper goodbyes. "What were you expecting Beca?!" she hisses at herself as she thinks of their last night together._

_The Bellas had a party to celebrate the graduation of Aubrey and Chloe. Beca numbed her sadness in beer and other alcohol until she passed out on Chloe's couch in the middle of the evening. Three hours later, Cynthia Rose woke her up and took her home. The next morning, Chloe texted her a final goodbye with no winking smiley or any smiley at all. _

_Three months and Beca still hasn't apologized for how stupid she'd been that night._

_Three months and she was now leaving, head down in shame but still unable to get over her pride._

_The worst wasn't not telling Chloe she was leaving; the worst was not knowing if her feelings for Chloe were mutual._

_That's what you get when you can't let your last wall fall down._

_Damn pride._

* * *

_Six years later._

"Ok guys! That's a wrap," she called through the microphone. The men in the sound booth clapped and cheered enthusiastically. Beca watched as they hugged, their faces split in half by a huge smile. They froze seconds later, nodding to each other. The brunette was busy shutting down all of the mixing equipment she used. She didn't see the crooked grins replace the genuine smiles. She heard the door open, the guys chatting suspiciously, but she didn't pay enough attention. Before she could retreat in her office next door, she was lifted from her chair and surrounded by the men.

"No! Guys! Let go! Come on! That's no fair!" She yelped as she was dropped in one of the guys' arms and choked in a bear group hug.

It didn't take more than five seconds for her to surrender though, because there was really nothing she could do. Those men were all at least five foot ten and they were looking more like football players ― the ones on the defensive line― than musicians. They laughed whole heartedly and she did too. They let go of her after a minute or so, and she tried ― in vain ― to smack them, only hurting her little fist.

She rolled her eyes and shooed them out of her office. Beca's day was done, and she was glad for the week-end to be there. She needed the rest, having pushed herself to the edge of a burnout by accepting all these new albums to produce. She learned that she couldn't say no to a new record, though, and that'd always been a major problem in her career as a music producer.

The air was chilly and it made her shiver a little, but only because she couldn't stand any form of cold. Hopping in her car, she drove home, but decided she needed a drink after this exhausting day, so she headed for the other side of town. Since she was working so much, she never really developed any habits; she doesn't have a favorite bar, nor a favorite coffee shop; the only favorite she has is her house, which is on the far end of town, almost outside of it but not really.

Tired of driving around, she decided that the next bar she'd see will be where she'd go. It was a shady looking façade, but she shrugged the strange feeling that tickled the back of her mind. When she set foot inside, she was greeted by shocked looks, and delighted smiles. Plus a stunning redhead behind the bar, who smiled too. It wasn't the same kind of smile, though, it was a mysterious smile, one that wanted to be pleased to have a new customer, but the corners of her mouth were slumping a little, making it more like a professional and very-well practiced smile.

Beca took a seat at the bar; the moment of surprise having passed, everybody was now back to their own occupations.

* * *

Chloe sighed and rolled in her bed, frustrated. She checked her phone; still no texts. She groaned and sat, wincing as she did because her back was still hurting a little. She gently shook the mass sleeping ― more like being in a coma ― next to her. She heard a groan of disagreement and shook the blankets a little more roughly this time. Emerging from under the covers, Maddie looked at Chloe with what she swore was some kind of hate. Instantly, the ginger's face brightened and she grabbed her whole face to kiss her.

"I hope you slept well you evil spawn! You twitched all night and hit me at least five times in the back." She said, dragging Maddie out of the blankets. Another groan of disapproval, but Chloe rolled her eyes simply.

She scratched her belly and was immediately forgiven. Maddie's paw started to shake furiously as if she was the one scratching her exposed skin. Chloe laughed, as always, and pushed her dog out of the bed. The Mastiff protested, but not for long because the redhead asked her if she was hungry. Automatically, Maddie barked and jumped around Chloe's legs until her food was set on the floor. Drooling like Niagara falls, she waited patiently for her master to say the magic word.

"Boomchicka!" chirped Chloe and smiled tenderly as her dog rushed to her plate.

While she was eating, the woman went on with her routine. She let the hot water run down her body, sighing heavily as her muscles relaxed with the heat. Chloe's eyes shut tight when she passed her hand over her shoulders and felt the little bump of her scar. Every day she was reminded of what happened and it never failed to break her heart. Sighing, she let her hands fall down on the sides of her body. Over the running water, she heard a small bark and knew it was time to take Maddie out.

Her morning went on just like the others; she ate breakfast as she watched Maddie roll on the backyard, took her for a walk when her hair was dry, locked the door when they got back and kissed Maddie goodbye. The dog slumped with a "humph" on the front porch and watched as her master drove away. Chloe felt safer with Maddie than she ever did before, she'd bought the huge dog as a guard for her house after somebody broke in and stole for more than a thousand dollars' worth of merchandise. It had been five years now and Maddie was the only thing that kept her going.

She came back when the sun was beginning to set down, smiling as she saw her dog still lying down on the porch, eyes half closed. Maddie jumped on her feet when she heard the car door slam and barked once, her tail wagging furiously. She stroked her head gently, went inside and grabbed the leash. On her way out, she checked her phone and her features darkened a little.

When they came back from their walk, Chloe changed her comfy jeans and her flannel shirt for a pair of tight light blue jeans and a black tank top over a pink lace bra. She applied black eyeliner to make her baby blue eyes bulge out even more, and combed her fire red hair before braiding a strand of hair to the side of her head, making sure her face was fully discovered. She came out of the bathroom looking like a complete stranger from an hour ago and waited outside for her lift to arrive.

As her friend pulled in her driveway, her phone buzzed. Jumping at the sensation in her hands, Chloe looked down and felt relief flood through her as she read the words: "She's okay and will be waiting for you tomorrow." A smile appeared on her face as she climbed in the car and closed her phone for the night.

For the past two years, she'd been working at the same bar, and she liked it, some nights. Tonight was a good night though, and when she let herself behind the counter, she felt her confidence rise to the ceiling. This was her turf, she knew what she was doing here and she knew how to get respect. It wasn't a big bar; mostly it was men living nearby that came after work for a beer or two before they went back to their wives. They tipped her well because she was gorgeous ― sexy some might even say, especially when she wore those kind of clothes ― and she was beaming with confidence ― that was sexy.

Suddenly, the door opened and a small brunette walked in, stopping momentarily when the men's faces shot up to see who entered. They were shocked to see it was somebody new, because most people would go to the bar across the street, especially young people like this woman. Chloe smiled at her, her usual professional smile, and she saw a quizzical expression darkened the stranger's face, as if she could see through her.

She sat right in front of her and Chloe squinted her eyes at her: she knew her from somewhere. The memory of this girl was at the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't push it further. Before she could give herself a headache, she grabbed a glass and poured two ounces of whiskey in it, adding two ices and sliding it towards the brunette. She beamed with pride when the woman shot her a surprised look.

"How did you know? I didn't even say anything!" her voice was tired, and when she quirked her eyebrows she looked like a kid: Chloe couldn't help but notice every detail of her exhausted features.

"It's my thing" she winked and the stranger chuckled. "What's your name, stranger?" she asked after the girl took a sip of her drink.

"Why?" she shot back quickly, immediately regretting her wary tone as Chloe's smile twitched a little "I'm sorry, I'm just really tired." She offered with a sheepish smile.

Chloe nodded but noticed she didn't say her name anyway, which made her frown a little, but she decided to leave her alone. She opted for cheering her up instead and tried a joke. "It's okay, Stranger kinda fits you, don't you think? I might just call you that." She smiled brightly this time.

"Stranger… feels good to me" the brunette answered in a breath, taking another thoughtful sip of her drink.


	2. Chapter 2

Beca rubbed her eyes hard, blinking multiple times to get her vision straight again. She yawned and put both hands on the steering wheel. It was almost two in the morning, she woke up at five this morning, and worked all day, she just got out of the recording studio. She was heading home, but she knew she shouldn't be driving. Grunting, she agreed with herself to go back to her office and sleep on her couch. It had been a week since she walked in that bar and was star struck by that ginger barmaid.

She felt good for once; nothing was expected of her but to pay her drinks and be civilized. Nobody was trying to impress her. Nobody even recognized her, and she felt so normal it made her dizzy. For the past four years or so, her career as a music producer had skyrocketed and she was so in demand right now she barely had time to sleep. She didn't even know the barmaid's name, but she didn't care. That night, they had chatted a little bit, and Beca had a hard time leaving to go back to her house.

Tonight, the thought of being alone in her office, sleeping on the hard couch and having back pain the next day made her sigh and she did a U turn. She walked into the bar and looked around, but didn't see any fire red hair. Her shoulders slumped a little forward, but she took a seat anyway. A dark haired woman walked up to her and asked what she wanted to drink, but a voice behind her made Beca's head lift up as a small smile played at the corner of her lips. "Whiskey, with ice." The other woman nodded and poured two ounces of the liquor in a glass, added a few ice cubes and made it glide towards Beca.

The redhead's smile was bright and she looked genuinely happy to see her again.

"Hey there Stranger," she said as she brought the shelled peanuts close to her, along with two white napkins.

"You remember me." Beca stated with an obvious shocked face; she remembered the ginger, but she didn't have dozens of customers to remember like she did, and frankly, Beca didn't see herself as somebody who stood out from anybody else; she was just another girl.

"How could I not? Those ear spikes you have are pretty memorable." The barmaid said, and instinctively, Beca's hand shot up to her ear, covering her piercings protectively.

She had a lot of critics for those, but they were kind of her trademark, and any remarks automatically got to her and she would get cranky. When she realized the redhead didn't mean to insult them, she blushed and let her hand down. She flashed a shameful smile at her and sipped her drink.

Beca felt the alcohol burn her throat and she felt instantly better, kicking the voice inside her head telling her she was turning into an alcoholic very far away ― she wasn't; she simply enjoyed the numbing of her thoughts the liquor would bring her, but she didn't need it. Beca realized just how alcoholic-like that sounded and she gulped the rest of her whiskey, determined to drown those kinds of thoughts tonight.

The past week had been a real pain for her; she had three new bands to work with, and two of them were so stubborn they wouldn't let her suggest anything: it was their way or the highway and Beca was sick of their little games. She was never known for her patience with annoying egotistical musicians. She knew she had the perfect ear, and she could make any band sound good with a little work, but those bands just wouldn't hear anything. It was frustrating because they were good, but she wasn't producing them: she was simply recording them.

The last one was very talented, but so insecure about themselves it always took hours just so they would start to feel comfortable enough to let go of every technicalityand just play with their souls. She was with them just before leaving, and they'd brought her flowers ― she hated flowers because they were associated with break-ups, but she didn't have the balls to tell them she didn't enjoy flowers, or gifts at all.

She was lost in her thoughts and didn't even realize she was holding up her third drink until the ginger walked up to her, looking a little concerned. Beca's mind shot back to reality, well slurred back to reality, because her tiny self had never been able to handle a lot of heavy alcohol in so little time.

"You okay there Stranger?" she asked, putting down Beca's drink, brushing her hand at the same time.

"Yeah, yeah I am" the brunette answered, picking up her drink, feeling shivers run up her arms when she touched ― deliberately ― her hand on the way.

"Okay, shout if you need anything, then."

Beca was about to ask what her name was so she could say it, but she closed her mouth. She didn't want to know the girl's name; she feared it would take away this mysterious aura she sensed around her. Something tickled the back of her mind, but she was too busy trying to act normal as she sipped her drink to pay further attention to it.

It was five whiskeys and an hour later when Beca tried to step down out of her seat but failed miserably. She saw the ground get close fast, but somehow never hit it. Lifting up her sleepy head, she saw the ginger barmaid hold her arm, and smiled a drunken smile at her, trying to thank her.

"Where do you think you're going, Stranger?" she asked, pulling her up on her feet again, but not letting go of her arm.

"Home." Beca managed to say in a rather equal voice.

"And just _how_ do you think you'll get there?" her tone was dead serious and she already knew the answer by the way Beca was holding on to her car keys.

"Ugh. Car, duh." She threw them in the air, but when she tried to catch them back, the other woman grabbed them and shoved them in her pocket. "Hey! Those are mine!" Beca cried, making a motion to take them back.

"Not tonight darling. I'll call you a cab. Where do you live?" the ginger shot back with a little smile, her phone in hand.

"I come from a land down under. Where beer does flow and men plunder. Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder? You better run, you better take cover." Beca sang in a high-pitched voice, only remembering a few lines of this song before starting to giggle madly.

* * *

"Oh God." Chloe said, pinching the bridge of her nose.

She couldn't believe this girl had just sung to her instead of answering. Well, she was visibly drunk, judging by her crazy laughing fit that she didn't seem to be able to control. Plus, her breath smelled like whiskey, and she did have five drinks. The girl slumped in her arms, holding on to her shirt. Chloe hated dealing with drunk customers, she usually let her coworker handle them, but when she saw the petite brunette try to walk away, she couldn't let this happen.

She walked to her just in time to prevent her from falling on the hardwood floor. She realized she wouldn't get a coherent answer from that girl tonight, and, sighing, she decided to take her back to her car having for once come by herself to work. She struggled a little to get the brunette in the passenger seat, the girl being already half asleep.

"Are you taking me home?" she managed to blurt between two heavy breaths.

"No, I'm taking you to my place because you can't tell me where you live." Chloe replied, trying to buckle the belt.

"Oooooooh the pretty barmaid is taking me to her place" she giggled, and Chloe couldn't help but smile, toying with the idea of abusing a little bit of her no-filter mind right now.

She went to the driver seat and looked at the drunk stranger beside her, wondering why she was doing this: it was so unlike her to just take a random girl home, a drunk one, a customer one nonetheless. She sighed; did she have another choice? _Yes, leaving her in the parking lot so she can get raped by some random dudes_, Chloe thought to herself, shivering at the very thought of anybody hurting her.

She couldn't say why, but she felt very protective of the stranger, and she could swear she'd seen her somewhere.

The drive home was calm, if you don't count the times the smaller woman would slur in her drunk sleep and say something about musicians that weren't even worthy of her production, or when she was having an imaginary conversation with Chloe. At one point, it was getting embarrassing for the ginger to hear those very private thoughts the brunette was speaking out loud about her. She never imagined she made such a big impression on her, but apparently, she did, and it was making her blush.

When they arrived, Maddie barked frantically at the stranger her mistress was trying to get up the front porch and into the house. Chloe made her shut up with a quick order, and the dog sniffed and nudged at the almost inanimate body she was now dragging across the living room. Somehow, she managed to get her on the couch. The brunette chose this moment to wake up and she looked at Chloe with a strange look on her face.

"Are you going to strip me of my clothes?" she asked her voice raw with a sudden burst of lust.

Chloe swallowed the lump in her throat, and smiled gently at her, stroking her hair as she tucked her under a blanket.

"No, no I won't. You need to sleep. I'll get you water and Maddie will stay here with you. Don't worry, she's a sweetheart." Chloe added when she saw the girl's eyes narrow to her dog, widening in sudden fear.

She kicked her shoes off herself, rolled on her side and mumbled something that Chloe was pretty sure was "Goodnight baby" and started snoring almost right away. _Well, that was an unexpected night_, she told herself as she walked to her room.

* * *

The next morning, Beca woke up with a bad taste in her mouth and a heavy headache, but most of all, her nostrils were flaring, trying to figure out what that sweet smell was. Her brain slowly kicked in and she recognized bacon and coffee and… pancakes? Beca opened her eyes carefully, feeling her stomach twitch at the idea of food, only to stare at the unknown ceiling. She blinked multiple times, trying to remember how she got here, only to realize she didn't even know where _here_ was.

Panic started to sink in and she was about to get up and try to escape when she heard a voice coming from the kitchen.

"Maddie! Stop. Mommy's on the phone. Oh, hi, hello. I'm just calling to say I won't be able to make it today. No, no, nothing's wrong, I just… something came up last night and I can't come today. Tell her I'm sorry. Ok, bye."

Beca knew that voice, but her hungover brain wouldn't let her remember where she heard it. Feeling slightly nauseous, she sat up in slow motion, only to find herself attacked by a wagging tail and a wet and pink tongue.

"Yikes! Help! It's going to kill me!" she tried to fight the dog off her, but the more she fought, the more it got excited and the more it attacked her.

"Maddie, get off!" she heard someone snap, and seconds later she was free and still alive, but disgustingly wet with dog saliva. Beca felt a heave of vomit rake through her and she grabbed the first thing she saw ― apparently whoever brought her here at thought about the possibility of her puking because it was a stainless bowl ― just in time.

"It's okay, it's okay…" she felt somebody stroke reassuring circles on her back as she gagged and vomit flew out of her mouth like a geyser.

When she felt her stomach had calmed, she risked sitting a little straighter, feeling dizzy and even more dehydrated. She blindly took the tissues the other woman was handing her, knowing it was already too late to regain some dignity.

"Thanks" she said in a hoarse voice, taking little sips of the water she was handed.

"It's alright. I bet you're a little confused right now, aren't you Stranger?"

That's all it took for Beca to replace her, and she buried her face in her hands, wincing at her own smell, moaning out of despair.

"I'm so, _so,_ sorry." She cried, but her shame was met by a giggle and she lifted her head up, wondering what was so funny.

"Don't worry, I've seen worse. Plus, you're pretty cute when you're drunk." She winked at Beca, who's face burned with shame even more.

"Oh my fucking God!" she cried, curling up in a ball and hiding under the blanket.

"Now, come on, get up, get in the shower, I made you breakfast."

"Breakfast? But… I just puked like a demon!" she tried to fight the disgusted look on her face, but with no success.

"Trust me. I'm a bartender, I know 'bout hangovers. Now, go, you stink." And she disappeared in the kitchen― or what Beca assumed was the kitchen ― the dog at her heels.

"But.. where's the bathroom?" she asked in a little voice, feeling even more confused than before; she sat there, wondering what in hell she could've done or said to make that barmaid think she was cute when drunk and how she would ever be able to go to that bar without blushing with shame


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as the shorter woman was in the shower, Chloe let go of her spoon and pressed two fingers against her temple. She had a massive headache since she'd woken up, but she couldn't let that show while she was trying to take care of somebody else. She walked to the living room, intending on folding the blanket the stranger had slept in, but ended up sitting on the couch, eyes closed. When she opened them, they fell upon a frame sitting on the fireplace shelf and she felt her breathe caught in her throat.

Before she could look away, the memory hit her.

_Five years ago._

_Chloe was walking hand in hand with her in the park near their newly purchased house. They were starting to really like the neighborhood; it was quiet and people seemed nice, smiling and waving and all. All of a sudden, she felt her girlfriend stop, tugging at her arm. Chloe turned around, her usual bright and shiny smile hanging at the corner of her lips, quirking her eyebrows._

"_What's wrong? She asked, snaking an arm around her waist._

_- Nothing, I just wanted to let it sink in. Do you realize Chloe? This is it. This is everything I've ever wanted. _

_- Oh yeah? And was I planned in all this? Her tone was light, curious, mischief dancing in her eyes._

_- Of course, was her serious answer, a smile splitting her face in two._

_- Oh! baby, she chirped, snuggling her nose in her neck._

_- Chloe, there's something I've been meaning to ask you for a while now…_

_- What?_

_- Look in the sky ", she commanded a mysterious grin stretching her lips._

_As she did so, a plane just happened to pass by. It was trailing a giant flag, but looking more closely, Chloe could see there was something written on it. As she squinted her eyes to decipher the words, she felt her girlfriend get out of her embrace. She quickly looked down, because she was on one knee. She squealed in surprise, her hand covering her gaping mouth._

"_What… what are you doing?_

_- Read the sign, Chloe."_

_As she looked up again, she saw what was written on it. Marry Me Chloe Beale. Tears sprung in her eyes. Holding up a small velvet box, her girlfriend was smiling, trying to hide her racing pulse and shaky hands._

"_Chloe Beale, will you become my wife, for now and forever?"_

_Chloe couldn't breathe, she could even less speak, both her hands clenched tightly under her chin. She opened her mouth, but she was afraid her heart would jump out and run away; it was beating so hard she was sure everybody could hear it. She nodded frantically, shaking her head up and down her head without breaking eye contact. Finally, her voice seemed to come back because she choked out an "I love you so much". The other woman got on her feet and took the diamond ring out of its little box. Her hands were shaking though, and as she tried to put it on her finger, she dropped it in the grass._

"_Shit!" she cried, dropping on all fours and raking through the herbs to find it. Chloe did the same, and she was the one to find it again. They were still on their knees, their jeans full of dirt and green. The ginger watched as her now fiancée solemnly put the ring on her finger. She tackled her with a hug afterward, and they rolled in the grass. Their shirts were humid and stained, but they didn't care as Chloe took out her small camera and snapped them; the brightest smiles you could ever see._

"_Mrs. Aubrey Posen…. I like that. A lot." Chloe said in an under tone, eyes closed, her lips softly tickling the skin on Aubrey's neck._

Chloe's mind shot back to reality in a second when she heard the stranger's voice.

"Let go of that you devil!" she cried, and Chloe jolted on her feet to go see what was happening. Apparently, Maddie wanted her towel, and the girl was playing tug of war with a Mastiff that probably weighed more than her. With a quick command from Chloe, the dog let go and came to her.

"I'll put her out, you can take another towel if you need to." She said calmly, trying to hide the lump in her throat and the tears in her eyes. She power-walked to the kitchen; she opened the door for Maddie and sat on the little porch for a while, watching her dog wander around happily. Maybe she should get rid of those pictures. Take them to the attic, like she did with other things.

She sighed, knowing she wasn't going to do it, and went back inside after wiping her cheeks. Chloe stopped in the entrance of the living room, her eyes wide in shock when she saw the brunette looking at the same picture she'd been looking at a minute or so ago.

* * *

Beca lets the hot water run down her spine, her body aching from her night on the couch. It was more comfortable than the one in her office, but it was still a couch and her back had always been sensitive She groaned as she stretched, looking at the millions of shampoo and shower gel bottles, wondering how somebody could need so many different brands. When she felt good enough, and clean enough, she stepped out of the shower and grabbed one of the towels to wrap it on her head.

When she came out of the steamy bathroom, she still had an evil migraine, but her stomach was much calmer now. Gently unwrapping her hair to dry them naturally, she felt something try to rip the towel out of her hands. Looking down, she saw the barking pony and hissed at it, but the dog had a good hold on her towel. It tugged at it, growling like a demon, and Beca pulled at it, trying to get it out of its mouth.

"Let go of it you demon!" she growled under her breath, but it only excited the dog more and it went into a frantic mode, jerking its head from side to side. Beca felt her stomach twitch but her pride wouldn't let go of the towel. She repeated her threat and that seemed to do the trick because the dog let go. She slowly straightened and looked in the direction the dog went only to see her host standing a few feet away from her.

Looking closer to the redhead's face, she can see there's something different in her eyes. They're glistening ― tears?! Beca was confused for a second, but before she could ask what happened, the other woman' gaze shifted away. Beca followed it and her eyes landed on a row of frames on mantelpiece. She was about to open her mouth to speak, but the ginger was gone after mentioning putting the dog out. _Good, keep that thing away from me!_ Beca thought with a satisfied smirk.

She dropped the towel, not interested in drying her hair anymore, and she loosely pulled it up in a bun. She walked over to the fireplace, taking a closer look at all the pictures. There was one with the ginger and a puppy that Beca assumed was the same demon still alive. Her smile was bright, but nothing like the one she was beaming with in the frame next to it. She was lying in the grass with a blonde, they had tears in their eyes but looked nothing like sad or even down. A shadowed memory came back in her mind, and she thought she remembered the face of that blonde girl, but she wasn't sure. It must've been her brain that played tricks on her to make her pay for her drinking last night.

Beca heard footsteps and she took a step back, feeling slightly intrusive just standing there and staring at her personal pictures. She had to ask, though, who was that beautiful blonde in the picture. She sensed there was something going on in it, and she was curious. Also, and this even if she was tortured she'd never admit, she couldn't shake the sight of the ginger's eyes before she put back her cute smile back on. She couldn't stop seeing the hurt, the _despair_ flooding the ocean blue of her eyes for that split second where she caught the taller woman before she was completely back from her thoughts.

"Who's that in the picture?" she asked, locking her gaze with the other girl, or rather trying to lock them, because she simply drifted hers away.

"Breakfast is ready, better come and eat before Maddie, or the Demon as you call her, comes back and eats it for you!" she replied, deliberately discarding her question.

She could feel the tension rise in her host as she mentioned the picture: she learned a long time ago when to take a hint and she dropped it ― _for now_ she added to herself ― and followed her in the kitchen.

"Wow you were right, gee I already feel better!" Beca mumbled, her mouth full of pancakes and bacon, taking a gulp of her water to ease the way down, smiling at the red head.

* * *

Chloe couldn't help but smile watching the brunette eating with such an appetite when she wouldn't even consider eating something an hour before. She picked at the food on her plate, not very hungry because of that headache pounding her temples.

"Tell me, why am I in your house?" asked the other woman, catching Chloe lost in her thoughts once again.

"You were pretty drunk last night, and tried to drive home. I couldn't let you do that. Then, when I asked where you lived, you sang, well tried to" she pointed out with a grin "Down Under to me. I figured I wouldn't get a straight answer from you anytime soon and I was tired, so I took you to my place."

"Why didn't you just check my driver's license to get my address?" the brunette asked, looking quite confused.

"Oh. I guess I could've done that, yeah." Chloe said, looking down. She really hadn't thought about this option last night.

The other woman was about to say something else, but Chloe's phone rang and she only had to give one look to the caller ID to storm out of the kitchen and take the call in her room.

"Hello?" her voice was tense and she was twirling the phone wire around her fingers nervously. She listened, nodded a little. "Ok. Ok, yeah, I get it." She hung up, wiping away the tears silently falling down. She took a deep breath, regained some composure and went back to the kitchen.

"Your.. uh, dog wants to get inside." The stranger stated, looking quite disgusted by Maddie's wagging tail, patiently sitting and waiting for her to open the door.

"You could've let her in, you know." She said in a voice harsher than she meant to. "She won't eat you." It was a little softer but still cold.

Chloe saw the shock in the brunette's eyes, but she was too shocked herself by her phone call to be able to feel compassion for her. She let Maddie in, patting the dog's head and squatting to whisper in her ear.

"Tell me when you're done with breakfast; I'll take you back to your car." Chloe stated with no emotion in her voice, but her body was stiff.

* * *

Beca's jaw almost dropped when she heard the redhead's tone. It gave her shivers and she was wondering what had happened between now and then to make her attitude toward her change so drastically. She felt her stomach shrink a little and she pushed her plate away. She tried a sympathetic smile, but it came off more as an uptight curl of her lips. She'd try to not feel hurt by the woman's words; it wasn't her fault she was afraid of big dogs, and her rational side was telling her she had received bad news over the phone. Still, she couldn't help the feeling she was suddenly a burden ― a very heavy one ― all of a sudden and she hated it because it forced her to admit, at least to herself, that she'd liked this moment they shared.

She couldn't deny it; there was something about that redhead that made her feel comfortable, a sense that she'd never be judged. There was also a mysterious aura around her that made Beca feel safe and at home even though she was a total stranger. Or was she? She kept asking herself where in hell she'd seen that cute face, but she could never fully remember. Her brain was keeping it away from her and usually that meant trouble or hurt if she remembered, but she couldn't see how that ginger could've hurt her in the past.

She watched as her host filled a bowl of water, the dog at her heels, and followed her outside.

"Wait, you're letting your dog outside your house?!" she shot, shocked to see the dog lay down, very calm and very still.

"Well yeah, she's a guard dog. She won't let anybody get on my front porch unless they say the magic word." The other woman said, her tone still cold but her eyes a little more alive.

"Magic word? Like a password?" Beca looked at the dog once more, who wagged its tail, staring at the redhead with a look of total adoration.

"Yeah. Now get in." it was only a flash of a smile, but it was sincere, and it made Beca feel a little better.

The ride to the bar was mostly silent, Beca opening her mouth only to tell her she lived really far away from the bar. The ginger nodded, and the smaller woman felt this was another subject she didn't want to discuss, so she shut up. When they arrived at the parking lot, Beca's car was still there. It was this year's brand new SUV, which sparked curiosity in the other woman's eyes.

"That's your car?" the tone wasn't as cold as when they were at her house, but there was still something off. Plus, her face was so incredulous, like Beca couldn't drive a car that big, it stung her pride.

"Yeah, why not?" it was the brunette's turn to be stiff, having never been one to be very comfortable when feeling attacked on a personal level.

"Oh no, I didn't mean it like that, it's just that, well our clients are mostly local and they drive old pick-ups, duct taped cars or something like that. I guess I didn't expected you to have a car so new… you look so… young?" she offered, feeling her cheeks burn with embarrassment.

"Well, if you let me take you for dinner, I could explain." Beca blurted out with a smirk before placing a hand over her mouth.

Where did that come from? She'd spoken before she could've thought about it, but the surprised look on the other woman's face and the soft smile stretching her lips told her maybe it wasn't a mistake. Her eyes drifted towards the ground though, and Beca knew the answer would be no.

"I'm sorry Stranger, I… I can't. And I have to go!" she cried all of a sudden, looking at her cell phone right after it buzzed. She flashed a sad smile at Beca and hoped in her car, driving away fast.


	4. Chapter 4

"_Did you check out the list I gave to you?" Chloe called from the kitchen, scanning what was in the fridge and feeling a bit disappointed: no more strawberries._

"_I did! Left you my comments on it, should be on the fridge's door, but of course you haven't seen it because you're already planning on eating everything that's in it and don't actually pay attention to what's on it." Aubrey answered, approaching her girlfriend ― fiancée now ― from behind and snaking her arms around her waist. _

_Chloe straightened her back, her cheeks turning light pink as she closed the door; the list was right there with Aubrey's handwriting all over it. She leaned back into the embrace, putting one of her arms over the blonde's and taking the list with the other._

"_I even called the places we both liked. We have an appointment in about…" she looked at the clock on the oven and, walking with Chloe still in her lap, she added "now. Go, we're leaving."_

_Chloe turned around, stopping their walk to the door, and she laced her arms around Aubrey's neck. Her eyes were glistening with tears, which surprised the blonde, who took a step back and put her hands on Chloe's face, pressing their mouths together with no hesitation._

"_I'm right here baby, it's okay." She whispered, her forehead pressed against Chloe's._

"_I'm sorry, really. I want this to happen, I do, I swear, I just don't know how to handle it. I'm so overly happy it's driving me crazy, and this actually happening… I just, I don't know, it feels so real all of a sudden…" Chloe was softly sobbing, looking away._

"_Don't be afraid Chloe, we'll do this together. I know it's a lot, but we don't have to do this now if you just want to take the time to come around to the concept of us being married._

_- I'm not backing off Aubrey, I'm just overwhelmed with feelings and I don't know how to handle them, Chloe squeaked, smiling as relief flooded in Aubrey's eyes._

_- Well, we can still take this slow. We don't have to get married next month baby." The blonde told her, hiding Chloe's face in her arms, pulling her in a tight hug._

_The redhead's shoulders relaxed almost instantly and she felt rather than heard her "yes, okay" muffled by her blonde hair and neck where Chloe was nuzzling._

Tears silently streaming down her face, Chloe's eyes opened as she felt the familiar hole ripped open in her chest again. Curling up in a ball, she checked her phone; it was already late in the afternoon, and she didn't want to go to work tonight. She had to, though, because how else was she going to pay the bills? Today was a hard day for her, but she forced herself out of bed, pushing Maddie off her legs at the same time. She stretched and winced, painfully feeling every sore muscle in her body as she did.

She had woken up the same morning with a weight on her chest, and the call she'd received didn't help at all. She was so excruciatingly aware of the date, she wished she could've just forgotten about it, but they didn't. They called, obviously, and they told her what she already knew. Four months. Four really short months until a decision had to be made. Chloe clenched her arms around her stomach, but she knew she had to shower, to go on with her routine even though time had stopped at 8:07 this morning.

Maddie was out on the porch as usual, and Chloe didn't feel like driving, so she was waiting for her friend and coworker to pick her up. She was on the verge of tears when the car pulled up in her parking lot, and she put on her professional smile and dried her eyes with the usual mask she wore to work. They drove in silence, as always, and Chloe felt bad for the other woman: she'd never been anything but kind and caring for her, but everything the ginger could give her right now was an empty stare and a fake smile.

Chloe found herself scanning the cars already parked at the bar, not knowing why until she realized _whose _car she was looking for. It wasn't there, that's how she knew, and she sighed. It had been two weeks since she last talked to this stranger girl, yet she couldn't take her off her mind. She could've used her easy company tonight though, and a part of her ― a very secret part of her ― had half hoped that she'd be there and as drunk as last time. Except this time, Chloe would take her home willingly, and not only to take care of her. _Great Chloe, really, now you're embarrassing yourself, stop it, your face is all red, _she hissed mentally, feeling her cheeks burn as her mind had momentarily slipped into what _exactly_ she'd like to do to that brunette.

* * *

Beca was about to become a murderer if they didn't decide to put their misogynistic thoughts aside and actually listen to her for once. She let her head drop on her desk, putting out the sound from the booth because she couldn't listen to their rambling anymore. It has been like this for the past two weeks, and she had enough of their little games. Sitting straight back in her leather chair, she punched the microphone button and said in a strained but cold voice:

"Ok, listen up you shitheads, you better start listening to what I say or you won't have any album coming out soon because I will kick your judgmental asses out of my studio and make sure you'll never get another contract with anybody else. I've had enough of your little games ok I'm the producer, you either listen to me or you get the fuck out right now."

She was standing, hovering over the microphone and looking extremely pissed off. One of the guys swallowed audibly and that made her smirk. They remained silent for a solid minute and then one of them muttered a grumpy "Sorry Beca" and they all nodded. She smiled, calming down instantly, hoping this was the first and only time she'd have to yell at them because, frankly, she didn't really enjoy being the mean one. _You've been the bad guy long enough_, an evil voice sneered in the back of her mind, and she shut it with a frown.

They worked together, for once, and the boys learned that they sounded way better when they actually listened to her comments and they were glad ― even regretful by the end because they thanked her and apologized properly ― she was there. It was almost one in the morning when they left, and they even offered her a ride home, but she declined it.

It had been two weeks since she'd last been in the bar. She missed it, even though she only went two times. _You miss her_; she corrected herself, and tried to kick her brain, but only sighed. It was true, she missed the redhead. It had been a long time since she felt that good around another woman ― probably the subconscious reason why she was only working with guys right now, especially since her last girl band ― and she missed feeling like this. She hadn't realized just how much she was missing the sensation of belonging until she felt it that morning, eating breakfast with the barmaid.

Grunting, she buried her head in her couch; she was too tired to drive home but she was still ashamed of how her last night at the bar ended. For the past weeks, her heart had battled her pride, and she really wanted to go, but she had to fight back the bitter thoughts. She had been really confused with the drastic change in the redhead's attitude towards her, but another part of her was also really curious and wanted to know more. Deep down, she suspected that a lot had happened in her life, and she was still trying to cope with it.

That's the question she'd been asking herself all week long: was it her pride or her curiosity that was bigger? She obviously had her answer right there in front of her, but Beca had never been one to take the easy way, she almost needed to complicate things, just because it was easier to let go when things were complicated than when things were so simple it scared her away. She sighed once again, rolling on her back and staring at the ceiling.

She tripped when she tried to pull a stunt to get up from her couch and that made her blush even though she was alone, and she hurried down the stairs to her car. She made up her mind: curiosity got the better of her, and she drove fast to the bar. She hesitated in front of the door, peeking through the darkened windows to try and see if she was even here. She found her fire red locks and her heart began to race. She opened the door, and like the last times, every head shot up to see who was coming in. There were some new faces, but mostly it was the same men that had been there the past times too.

And there she was, standing behind the bar, with a smile that felt a little out of place, not quite the same plastic smile she had the first time Beca was here. She was telling something to an old man when she walked in, and her eyes looked up too. When she saw her, her features lit up, and Beca looked behind her, almost expecting she was smiling at somebody else. Nobody was there, so she smiled back, feeling her cheeks heat up. Their gaze locked and Beca walked to the stool in front of her. As soon as she was sitting, the redhead handed her a whiskey.

"Hey." Was all the brunette could say, smiling like an idiot.

* * *

Chloe had lost hope of seeing the brunette tonight when the clock struck midnight and she still wasn't there. She knew last time she got here at almost two in the morning, but she was trying to shake her out of her mind, because she knew she shouldn't be thinking about her like that. She wasn't available, but still, she just wanted to feel normal for once. That mysterious woman was making her feel like that, she made her feel comfortable and it was easy being with her. Mostly because they didn't know each other, that was what she thought, even though she couldn't shake the feeling that she did know the girl at least in some way.

She was lost in her mind once again, and her coworker softly poked at her side to get her out of it, making Chloe winced unconsciously.

"Are you ok?" she asked, worry showing on her face.

"Uh? Oh yeah, why?" Chloe answered, looking quite confused.

"You winced when I poked you." The other woman stated, frowning.

"Oh, I did? You surprised me, that's all." A soft smile to make her let go, and the girl is gone, leaving Chloe with herself again.

She washed every glass she could find, served every customer that came to the bar, but it still wasn't enough to completely take her mind off the brunette. She groaned, feeling the headache come back, and was about to tell her coworker she was taking her break when an old man asked her something. In the middle of her answer, though, somebody walked in and when she looked up to see who it was, her heart almost jumped out of her chest. Her. She smiled a genuinely happy smile, her pulse racing all of a sudden, watching as she approached the bar.

Chloe poured her whiskey in a cup, unable to stop smiling. Her mind was racing, she was trying to find something clever to say, but all she could think of were really inappropriate things to say to a stranger.

"Hey." The brunette said, her smile still intact.

"Hey." Chloe said, clearing her throat before adding; "I, uh, wanted to say sorry for last time. I wasn't exactly the best host, and I'm sorry I left like this." She looked down, really embarrassed.

"Don't worry, it's okay. I wasn't the best customer neither I guess." The other woman shrugged with a soft smile.

That made Chloe smirk, and before she could really think of what she was doing, she placed a hand over the brunette's and shot back with a wink:

"Oh, you weren't that bad, and I kind of liked what you said about me."

That had the desired effect because she saw the shorter girl swallow with difficulty, her eyes shifting away with embarrassment as a deep red blush covered her features. Chloe was tempted to go on, but the brunette was quicker than her, and what she said caught her off guard.

"I'm sure that whatever I said I'd say it sober too."

Chloe's smirk fell for a second or two, realizing what she just told her, and she had to remember to breathe. It had been so long since somebody had said those kinds of things about her, even in a drunk state, that she'd forgotten how it felt to be wanted. All of a sudden, she didn't want to be at the bar, she wanted to be at her house, she wanted to be there with that petite woman. It was her turn to blush now, and the stranger shot her a quizzical look.

"I'm sorry, that was inappropriate." She said, looking away.

Chloe still had her hand on hers, and she ran her fingers up her forearm, leaning over the bar so she'd be closer to the other woman's ear. With a small grin, and with one last kick at her reason, she murmured in a low voice;

"I'm done in an hour, if you wait for me, I'll let you say those things to me again."


	5. Chapter 5

_What are you doing? Stop this right now! You shouldn't be doing this. Don't do it. Stop._

They crashed on the entrance door, their lips hungry and a little sloppy from alcohol. Beca managed to unlock the door and she gripped the redhead's hand tightly, climbing the stairs.

_You can still stop this right now if you want to. Come on, don't go there! Stop kissing her lips! Tell her it's a mistake. You don't really want this._

Beca groaned under the barmaid's weight pressing against her chest as they almost broke down the door, the small brunette trying to open it while the other woman's kisses started to be more demanding, trailing down her neck, biting and sucking at her pulsing point.

_Don't you remember? Ciara? Janet? Rachel? All the others whose name you didn't know? Will you really go there? Don't you have any self-respect?_

_This isn't the same! She's… different, I can feel it. This won't be another one night stand. I won't let it be._

That shut up the nasty voice in her head slut shaming her for her previous life habits, and she focused on the ginger's touch on her body; her hands were already under her shirt. They finally made it to the couch, and they wasted no times with clothes ― or names.

Beca fell asleep with one of her leg wrapped around the barmaid's hips, their bodies glistening with sweat, hair tangled and spread everywhere. She felt good; she felt safe right there and now, in that woman's arms whose name she didn't even know.

_You're going to regret this. Greatly regret this, Beca…_

—

Chloe woke up the next morning with a throbbing headache and a paralyzed arm and leg. She grunted, trying to extricate herself from under the brunette's body without waking her up. She realized she was stark naked half way through the process when the contact of her skin previously hidden by the other woman was exposed. The cold morning air made her shiver and she quickly shot a look at the sleeping mass beside her, sighing with relief when she didn't react.

She sat at the edge of the couch, barely touching the girl's feet, but she couldn't bring herself to feel bad about last night. Sure, she was about to leave and make the walk of shame back to her home ― even though she had no idea where exactly she was. Chloe's curiosity took over her confusion, and she wandered around, not even trying to cover herself.

She was quiet and cautious, tiptoeing around and taking in what she saw: a desk, with lots of paper scattered everywhere, posters of bands she heard of plastered on the walls, a table with lots of equipment she had no idea what they were for, and a rather big room with walls covered with rug. She could see through the large window right above the unknown equipment that there were guitars, and a drum set in the room, along with an old fashioned rock star mike proudly standing in the middle of the room.

She stopped in front of the window, her features suddenly serious: a memory was trying to find its way back, but the more she tried to push it, the more it escaped, dissolving in her foggy brain. She sighed and decided it was time she went home; Maddie was probably very hungry by now. She looked around for her clothes; they were everywhere. She was trying to find her socks when she heard the brunette stir in her sleep.

Chloe's eyes fell on her body ― her very naked body also ― and her breath caught in her throat. Her gaze stumbled upon the bellybutton, forming an oval shape, almost like a mouth gaping at her saying; you're not even saying goodbye? She was noting every little detail about the woman asleep; the way her chest rose and fell with each breath, the way her breasts were slightly parted aside, her hand casually resting on her thigh, dangerously close to her lady parts. That strangely made Chloe's insides twist a little, and she closed her eyes to shake the memories of last night from her mind.

"Morning beautiful" she heard a sleepy voice mumble and her eyes popped open as a grin stretched her lips before she could stop it.

"You know, I didn't picture you as the kind of girl to sneak out while your last victim is still asleep and having such wonderful dreams."

Chloe felt her face burn with shame and she walked over the couch, hiding behind her hands.

"I'm sorry, so sorry…" she started, but the brunette cut her off, sitting up and placing a hand on her lap.

"Don't. It's okay, I can understand, you know. I'm a big girl, it wouldn't be the first time this happened. I just want you to know, I don't want this to be a onetime thing."

Chloe's eyes peeked over her hands, and a smile split her face in half; she was about to nod agreeing with her, but then reality hit her and she buried her face in her hands again, muttering something under her breath.

—

She was about to ask her out on a real date when she saw the ginger's face fall back in her hands. Worried, Beca reached out and she forced the other woman to look at her, placing her hands on each side of her face.

"Hey, Red, it's okay if you don't want to. Don't worry about it."

The barmaid only shook her head, tears reddening her eyes and making Beca's throat go dry. Words were flying through her mind, but none would come out of her parted lips. She watched as the redhead stood up, wobbling for a few seconds, but before she could stand up and help her, she was backing away, her eyes locked on Beca.

When she reached the door, she mouthed the words "I'm sorry" and stormed out quickly. Just like that, Beca's world came crumbling down.

_I told you you'd regret this immensely, but you wouldn't listen to me. Look at you now._

She growled at her brain to shut up and swiftly grabbed her clothes. She ran down the stairs and sighed when she saw the redhead walking down the street, trying to catch a cab. Beca jogged, ignoring the twitch in her stomach as she did so.

"Hey! Red!" she shouted, closing the distance at a fast pace when the ginger stopped and turned to face her. "At least, let me drive you back home. Please." Beca panted, dropping her hands on her knees, to help her catch her breath.

The other woman bit down her bottom lip, making Beca remember last night so vividly it made her sway a little. She shook her head, standing up straight again and forcing her gaze to drift away from her lips.

"I don't think that's a good idea…" she started, but Beca cut her off with a kind smile and a hand in the air.

"Please, I insist. I can't let a lady take a cab back home when she lives on the opposite side of town.

-But I don't even live near your area" she gestured toward the building Beca came running out of.

"What? You think this is my apartment?" Beca couldn't hold the laugh instantly tumbling out of her mouth as the redhead's words sank in.

"You.. you mean it's not… where you live?"

—

The confusion in Chloe's face was replaced by hurt when she saw the brunette clutch her stomach with both arms, laughing even more at her incredulous look. She did thought it was a strange place to live, especially since she didn't have a shower or even a bath, but her mind hadn't been paying enough attention to realize this might not be an apartment.

She folded her arms, slightly lifting her chin up so she was looking down at the woman drying the tears of laughter from her eyes. She frowned, her jaws clenched together. She pouted, even, but that didn't have the desire effect of making the brunette feel bad from laughing. She only got a grin out of her, and she puffed, not looking at her.

"You must've been one hell of a child."

The brunette was shaking her head with disbelief at her attitude, but the playful smile stretching her lips dismissed her comment and Chloe unfolded her arms, shrugging with her head tilted to the side.

"I beg to differ. I was a very quiet and easy going kid." She said, a giggle bubbling out of her open mouth.

Chloe almost choked on her laughter, though, when the brunette told her that, in fact, she lived only ten minutes away from her house. _That must be where you remember her from; maybe you've crossed paths at the grocery,_Chloe thought to herself, only to note that she was actually mumbling her thoughts out loud and the shorter woman was asking about them.

"I said ok then, I'll take the ride."

The bright smile that displayed on the girl's features would've blinded anybody who couldn't match it, but Chloe could, and did; they stood there for a moment, beaming at each other for no apparent reason. They walked back to the building in silence until they climbed in the SUV and Chloe shot:

"But you must let me buy coffee."

They agreed on the Dunkin' Donuts on their way, and as soon as they were engaged on the road, Chloe started to play with the radio buttons, meaning to put her favorite station on, but instead her fingers bumped on the CD option. Chloe's eyes widened as she heard "Slut Like You" from P!nk blare through the speakers. She shot a puzzled look at the brunette who quickly punched the mute button, her cheeks flushing.

Chloe smirked and pressed it again so the music was playing. She distinctively heard the other woman's whimper, but she ignored it and raised the volume a notch as the chorus started.

"I got a little piece of you-hoo

And it's just like woo-hoo

Wham Bam thank you Ma'am

Boo-hoo

I'm a slut like you

You say you're looking for a foo-ool

And I'm just like "me too"

I'm gonna let ya know the truth

I'm a slut like you "

She sang with her soft voice, shaking her head from side to side, letting the music get to her, like always. Her jaw dropped when she heard the brunette pick up for the quick verse coming next, smiling hard.

"You don't win a prize with your googly eyes

I'm not a cracker jack

You can't go inside

Unless I let you Jack… or Sam

Fuck what's your name again?

You male come now

You caveman sit down

You shh don't ruin it, wow

Check please"

Chloe was pleasingly impressed and she quickly joined in, singing the slow part right after, their voices matching almost to perfection. They listened to the rest of the album, singing together most of the songs, until Chloe remembered they were supposed to get coffees as they passed the Dunkin' Donuts.

"Stop!" she shrieked in a high pitched voice, her nails digging in the other girl's forearm.

—

With a quick glance at her rearview mirror, Beca's foot hit the brake pedal with force, propelling both girl forward. A truck behind honked, and Beca turned to face the redhead, her heart pounding in her head.

"What's wrong?!" she asked, visibly panicked.

"We forgot to get coffees and donuts!" she answered, oblivious to the fact that she nearly gave Beca a heart attack.

"Tell me you're kidding." She growled, but the girl shook her head, pouting and still not realizing how dangerous that could've been. "You yelled 'stop' in a car while we're on a busy street, for _coffees and donuts_ and you don't see what's wrong?!"

Beca rolled her eyes and scoffed at her, but she found herself looking for the closest crossing street to turn around. When the redhead noticed, her smile almost blinded Beca's right eye and she tried really hard to stay mad at her, but she just couldn't when she was giving her such a sweet smile.

They went to the Dunkin Donuts, and Beca tried to beat her with her debit card, but apparently while she was looking at the doughnuts choices the ginger had already paid. She smiled and rolled her eyes at the look on the other woman's face; like she just accomplished something remotely incredible.

Beca remembered clearly where the taller woman lived, but she didn't want to scare her ― it's not like she'd been there more than one time, but the brunette had a pretty good memory with moments that made her feel so good ― so she let her direct them through the small streets. As soon as they come to as stop, the ginger turned to Beca with the saddest smile she's ever seen.

"No need to say it. I get it. You can't do this again. I know."

Beca's tone was harsher than she intended, and she saw the hurt in the other woman's eyes. She wanted to kick herself and quickly put a hand over hers, resting on the armchair and looking down at how perfect their fingers seemed to be for each other.

"I'm sorry, that was rude. I.. I understand, I do, really. I mean, it's not like we know each other anyway. Right?"

—-

She was having such a good time, she was feeling so good with that petite brunette and she didn't want it to come to an end. Aubrey wouldn't sing to P!nk, she wouldn't even listen to it, saying that the songs were too sexual for her liking, to which Chloe answered she never minded songs that were sexual when they were in the bedroom. Aubrey would always blush and mutter something like "Shut up Chloe, that's inappropriate" that would make Chloe laugh even harder.

She didn't want to think of everything she lost and could never get back, she didn't want to let go of that, not right now, not ever. She didn't want to cry in front of the brunette neither, and she needed something to distract her mind as the last song on the album ended. Her blue eyes scanned the road, only to fall on the passing Dunkin Donuts sign. _That's it, _she thought,_ we forgot to get coffee!_

The brunette looked pissed, but Chloe was proud of her distraction, her mind having completely shut the Aubrey drawer to instead focus on smiling so hard it hurt. That did the trick, because they went back to get coffees and donuts. Chloe blocked every memory of Aubrey and her trying to slip in her mind while she was with the other woman, but when they stopped in her parking lot, it all came back.

How they were in love.

How she still loved her so much.

She looked down at the girl's hand on top of hers, feeling a hand grab her neck, slowly choking her as she pressed her lips together, listening to what she was saying. She wasn't sure who the shorter girl wanted to convince more of her words; herself or Chloe. She knew she had to get out of the car, she had to tell her she was right, that this could never happen again.

She knew this was cheating on Aubrey, somewhere deep down inside of her, though, a little voice murmured what she knew was the truth: _It's not cheating when she's long gone._ Chloe repressed the bubble of pain erupting in the back of her throat, clenching her jaws. She knew what she had to do, she knew that no matter how many people told her, she wouldn't let go of the blonde so easily.

"It's not that we don't know each other, it's that I'm already taken. I'm sorry, this should've never happened. I need to go now."

Instead of exiting the car, though, she found herself leaning in and pressing her lips on the brunette's. _One last time,_ she argued with her reason, _just one more kiss and I promise I won't see her again. Ever._

"I'm sorry." She breathed through her parted lips, her tongue gliding across the other woman's bottom lip, tasting the sweetness of her mouth, engraving the shape of it in her mind as their kiss extended. Their mouths were almost sewed together; they fitted so perfectly on one another it took all of Chloe's will to end it.

She ran to her front door and tried to not look back, and she should've kept going, but instead she turned around. She saw the tears glistening in the brunette's eyes and she quickly went inside, feeling the hand grab her around the neck once more. She closed the door and slid on the floor, choking on her own tears, feeling the hole in her chest reopen slowly, burning her inside and out.

—

Beca watched as the redhead leaped inside her house, her heart racing and her lips still slightly parted. Before she could wipe them away, tears were falling down on her flushed cheeks. In a second state of mind, Beca pulled away and drove home, her mind blank and her movements mechanical. It was only when she leaned back to grab her purse that she realized her whole car smelled like the ginger. She knew that scent, she knew it and she was about to pin it to a name ― the redhead's name ― when her fingers touched her purse and she was startled. Instantly, the memory went away and she groaned, angry at herself.

Her day went by but if somebody asked about it, she wouldn't be able to tell them what she had done. She called her father, like she did every week for the past six years ― the one constant thing in her life ― just to say hi and let him know she was still alive. She went grocery shopping, because her fridge was almost empty. _I guess that's what happens when you spend more time at work than at your own house,_ Beca thought to herself with a half shrug. The rest of her day is a blurry memory, until she went to bed.

All of a sudden, she was very awake, and decorticating every second of the time she spent with the barmaid. She knew she was getting closer to finding out where she remembered her from. Momentarily, her mind slipped back to her father, who, six years ago, helped her escape from a world couldn't fit in. that's when it hit her, and her eyes widened at the souvenir.

"Chloe."

It was a murmur in the silence of her room, darkness surrounding her, the weight on her chest pressing harder against her lungs as the familiar sting of tears made her close her eyes.

She remembered now.


	6. Chapter 6

_Six years earlier_

_Beca rolled on her bed, unable to sleep, like every night for the past weeks. Ever since she left Barden, the only thing in her mind was Chloe, as if putting distance between the two of them wasn't enough, as if the redhead was under her skin, oozing from every pore of her body, always fogging her mind. She had to forget her. She had to live with the consequences of her acts. She had let her go, and now she was happy without her. She missed her chance, and nothing could change that: Beca's brain knew this, but her heart was still struggling with the concept._

_Groaning, she knew it was going to be one of those sleepless night so she went to her laptop. She was starting to feel a little desperate in LA, nothing was coming up; nobody was calling her back. She had to work harder, she had to stop being distracted by old souvenirs. She wanted to make this work so bad, she _needed _this to work. She couldn't handle another thing failing because of _her.

_A month and half later, her mind was slowly starting to let go of Chloe. She didn't think of the older woman that much, she could even spend days without her face of a memory of her coming back, like a stain on the back of her heart._

_Two months later, she had a job at a recording studio. Sure, she was only an assistant and she wasn't really producing music, but it was a start. She left CDs of her mixes around and eventually, she started playing with the sound booth equipment, remaking some songs a band had previously worked on. She did this until, one day, her boss came to her and told her she was starting to produce her own bands the next week._

_Busy with work and the non-stop life in LA, Beca soon wasn't thinking of Chloe at all. Her brain had this way of forgetting things that were painful; her parents' divorce she remembered only vaguely, her years of highschool when boys would make fun of her for being a lesbian, and more recently, her attempt at college life. Beca had thought Chloe was different, thougth she'd be the one to let her be who she was, but she soon found out the others weren't the problem: she was._

_Maybe she'd been the problem all along. Maybe it was always her fault. Admitting this to herself, though, would go against her own nature of self-preservation, so she preferred to wrap herself in a cocoon of misery and chores to forget the pain. She forgot about Chloe long enough to forget why she had too, and the whole Barden experience became a blurry memory in the back of her mind; lyrics she could sing even if she couldn't name the song; sudden bubbles of laughter anytime she saw a flight attendant._

_Her career really took off when she discovered a band of girls, singing covers of songs on YouTube. She found them and offered them a try in a real studio. They were college students and they had big dreams. She made all of those dreams true when they gave their first concert. And even more when they started receiving song submissions from authors. They were in demand. They were starting to get big. Everything came crumbling down, though, when Beca made a stupid mistake._

_The lead singer, a spunky and dark haired girl and Beca got involved on personal levels and even though they assured the rest of the band that nothing would change, everything changed: Beca would spend more time with her girlfriend; working on her voice, making arrangements for her to sing and other things, than with the band. Quickly, they were all quarreling and arguing with her, until the day Jen, the lead singer, admitted she had enough of Beca's walls, of her insecurities._

_They broke up, and Beca realized how unprofessional she'd been and she tried to pick up the pieces, but it was too late. The girls packed their stuff and went to another label. Ever since the Jen fiasco, Beca had been very careful to never get too involved with her bands. She tried working with girls again, but she just couldn't forget what happened and she wasn't able to get over it. She hadn't realized she'd been in love with Jen, but now that she did, she promised herself it wouldn't happen again._

_There was something familiar with the bitter taste in her mouth as she repressed tears, feeling too vulnerable for this cruel world._

_Chloe was done crying over a girl who couldn't even tell her goodbye. She was done trying with Beca when, obviously, the brunette wasn't feeling the same for her. Or maybe she was, but Chloe was tired of always having to sort her out, to guess how she felt. Most of all, though, she was tired of chasing somebody who couldn't let her in._

_It had been three months since she last spoke with Beca, and she was slowly getting back to her normal self. Ever since she learned that the DJ had took off ― and she didn't learned it from her, she discovered it when she made a trip to Barden in hopes of trying one last time with the sophomore, only to find out the girl had been gone for over a month now, and nobody knew where. They all thought she'd taken off to get to her, but Beca had only disappeared and nobody could reach her._

_It's like she never cared for Chloe; that was the first thing haunting her mind in the morning and the last thought she had before going to sleep. At least, she still had Aubrey: the blonde never missed one of her late night calls, she never complained when Chloe dropped in her arms, crying over a girl she never even kissed._

_Eventually, though, Chloe realized Aubrey had a motive behind all this, and she was afraid her best friend would get tired of her not being able to give her what she wanted; her love. Faith knew better, because six months after, she found herself kissing the blonde. At first, Chloe thought she did it because Aubrey was the obvious choice: she'd been there all along, she loved her no matter what her mood, and she knew her more than the blonde knew herself. Somewhere, along the way, she fell for her, though, and she'd been blinded by the novelty and the challenge Beca offered. She was only going back to her senses, now._

_She had moved in with Aubrey, who was living in a house her father had given her as a graduation gift ― he wasn't always a jerk, and he realized his daughter had done really good, eventually. They sold the house two years later, when Aubrey got her degree and was offered a job in LA. They bought another house, and they've been living there ever since._

Beca was fiddling with her thoughts: should she go to that bar again and tell her who she was? Should she just let go of her, because obviously Chloe had found a better partner than her. Aubrey must've been so mad at her when she took off and let the Bellas down. Little did she know Aubrey was glad she was gone, because that meant Chloe would be hers ― yes, that was a selfish thought, but Aubrey was tired of always being the one having to be more mature: she'd been in love with Chloe for months now, but she respected her best friend's feelings and didn't say a thing.

She didn't want to ruin things between Chloe and the blonde, she just wanted to let her know she made a mistake, six years earlier, by running away from her feelings. She remembered now that she hadn't forgotten about Chloe because the redhead had hurt her; she'd forgotten because _she _hurt her and that was even worse. Closing her eyes, she pressed play on her iPod, letting the music heal the burning sensation of tears.

By the end of the first song, Beca knew what she had to do, and she sighed; even if her heart had obviously fallen for Chloe ― again and in no time ― she had her chance years ago, and she didn't take it. It was too late now, the ginger was happy with Aubrey. _Why did she sleep with you, then?_ Beca shook her head; it didn't matter. She told her she was taken, she told her she couldn't do this, and Beca respected that. She just needed the redhead to know that she was sorry, because she truly was, and that she made a huge mistake by disappearing like that.

A thought in the back of her mind kept bugging her though: had Chloe remembered her and never told her, or did she truly not know who she was? Other questions sprung in her mind as she opted for the second answer; after all Chloe couldn't have faked to not know her for that long, she couldn't have slept with her knowing who she was, especially since she was with Aubrey? Beca was wondering, then, why she didn't remember her, and if she should tell her or leave it at this. The brunette couldn't let her go, not again, because that had been the worst decision she's ever made in her life so far: shutting Chloe out.

Beca got on her feet quickly, throwing her headphones on her bed. Looking at the clock, she realized Chloe wouldn't be at the bar before another hour or so, and she had no work she could do to keep herself busy until then. The brunette had never been prone to patience, and it was already hard enough for her to not convince herself that she didn't really have to do this; now she had to wait to do it? _This is ridiculous, Beca, you're a grown-up woman now, you shouldn't be so nervous! It's not like you're going to propose to her!_ Her own brain was driving her crazy: she had to find something to do, something to occupy her thoughts until it was time to leave.

She opted for a walk, but as she let her feet guide her through the streets of her neighborhood, she realized she was actually heading to Chloe's house. _Oh, screw it!_ she thought to herself as she came to a stop at the end of her street. Maybe she was still in, maybe they could do this here, and she wouldn't have to humiliate herself in front of the other customers of the bar. When she got to Chloe's house though, her dog was sleeping on the porch and there was no car in the parking lot. Beca wasn't sure she was relieved or disappointed, but as soon as she made a move to climb the stairs, a low and deep growl made her freeze. The dog wasn't sleeping, not at all, and it was growling like a demon at her.

"Ok, ok, no need to get so angry, gee, I'm stepping back!" she said, her hands raised in front of her as a peace offering.

The brunette quickly walked away, still feeling her heart racing; that dog was the scariest dog she had ever seen. By the time she was back at her house, though, it was time to leave. Beca found herself rummaging through her wardrobe, trying to find something to wear. She put an awful amount of time in choosing her earings, and even more time picking out the right color for her eye shadow. She found herself leaving almost two hours later than she intended.

She tried to look for Chloe's car in the parking lot and tried to convince herself that since she didn't see it, it meant the ginger wasn't there. She was fighting against herself when she parked her car after driving aimlessly for half an hour around the bar. A greater part of herself was terrified, petrified even, of what she was about to do, but that little piece inside of her heart was screaming so loud for her to do the right thing _for once_ she couldn't get herself out of this. Not this time.

She took a deep breath and walked inside. Nobody bothered looking at her for more than a second. They all knew who she was now; she was the girl the hot and fiery barmaid had gone home with the week before. They were jealous and envious, Beca could tell, and it made her throat go dry. She locked eyes with Chloe, behind the bar, and before the redhead could escape with some pathetic excuse in the backstore, Beca closed the distance between them.

"Chloe! Wait, please."

At her name, Chloe froze. _How does she know my name? Why did I stop?_ Chloe's mind was racing, trying to come up with an excuse. She didn't have time to say anything, though, because Beca took her hands, and, with her voice shaking, she said :

"Chloe, I know. I remembered. I don't know how I made myself forget about you, but I did. I know you can't do this, I know ok, but just please..." she was struggling with words, she'd never been good with words, never been able to say outloud what her heart wanted to say.

Beca took another deep breath, and half-smiled before opening her mouth again.

"I.. Just listen, ok?"

She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, she had tears in them, and her voice was steady but filled with emotions.

"Too young, too dumb to realize

That I should have bought you flowers

And held your hand

Should have gave you all my hours

When I had the chance

Take you to every party

Cause all you wanted to do was dance

Now my baby's dancing

But she's dancing with another _girl_"

Now everybody was staring at Beca, but she didn't care, she was looking directly into Chloe's eyes. She knew the redhead remembered her now, she could tell by the way she was smiling; a bitter and sad smile, the most painful smile Beca had ever seen. It was for her, and she deserved every inch of hurt she could see in Chloe's eyes right now. She deserved her jaws clenching together as Chloe felt the anger rise in her. _How dare she sings this to me._

Beca didn't stop, though, not even when Chloe walked away. Instead, she pressed on, singing a little bit louder even though all the heads had perked up and were following with a growing interest the petite brunette's moves.

"Although it hurts

I'll be the first to say that I was wrong

Oh, I know I'm probably much too late

To try and apologize for my mistakes

But I just want you to know

I hope _she_ buys you flowers

I hope _she_ holds your hand

Give you all _her_ hours

When _she_ has the chance

Take you to every party

Cause I remember how much you loved to dance

Do all the things I should have done

When I was your _girl_

Do all the things I should have done

When I was your _girl_"

Beca knew they had never been together, they had never even kissed; Chloe never told her she liked her like that, but she knew she had loved her that way, because Beca had felt the same. She simply couldn't let that last wall down; her pride. Being vulnerable was fine as long as it wasn't because she was falling for somebody else. Beca couldn't let herself fall in love, not again, not when the last time she gave her heart to somebody else it got torn apart. She was afraid, so afraid it blinded her from what could've been the best thing to happen in her life. She realized this now. Now that Chloe wasn't available anymore, now that Chloe couldn't reciprocate her feelings. Now that it was too late.

Chloe was boiling inside, but a quick glance around assured her here wasn't the place to explode. She was furious; had she been a dragon, this whole place would've been burned to ashes by now. Standing there ― Beca had stomped in front of her and wouldn't move ― and listening to her sing; listening to her singing _Brunos Mars _and telling her about all that she did wrong was too much. The redhead had enough on her plate right now, she didn't need Beca Mitchell apologizing and regretting. She needed Beca to push her away once again, needed the brunette to walk out of her life like she did the first time. She needed to be back five years ago.

She needed air.

Without thinking twice, Chloe took Beca's hand and dragged her outside the bar. Beca was silent, waiting for a reaction, but when Chloe didn't say anything for a solid two minutes ― the most excruciating two minutes of tonight ― she felt the urge to fill in the silence.

"Chloe, I know you have Aubrey now, I don't want to break the two of you. Damn, you looked so happy in that picture! Just, please, Chloe, I can't let you walk out of my life. Not another time. I just... I need you in my life, you bring something to it that nobody else brings. Can we... can we just be friends?"

_How dare you come back after all these years telling me you want to be friends with me, how can you stand there and look at me with that look of love in your eyes, how dare you make me feel like this. I am not a cheater, I am not a quiter, I can't do this Beca, why can't you hate me, why can't _I _hate you right now. _Those words Chloe wanted to tell her, they never came out. Instead, Chloe found herself taking a step forward, and almost in slow motion, she crumbled down, her head hitting Beca's shoulder hard. The brunette was quick to react though, and she wrapped her arms around the taller woman's chest, clutching at her shirt. She heard Chloe's cries, heard the muffled scream of pure and raw pain, felt the bite through her shirt, but she didn't move.

She felt more than heard her words, but it didn't apease the knife that ripped open her chest when they sank in.

"Aubrey's dead, Beca."


	7. Chapter 7

The living room was gently lit by sunlight, casting shadows of gold and fire on Chloe's hair. Beca was fighting sleep the best she could, but she doubt she could sleep even if she wanted too; her mind was occupied with all the hints that she could've picked up before. Aubrey was never home, there was only a car in the parking lot, there were only one picture of them together on the mantelpiece. Beca tightened her grip around Chloe's shoulders unconsciously when she heard her muffled moan. They had been half sitting half lying on her couch for the past hours now, and Chloe hadn't said a word since.

Beca had wanted answers; how, when, _how long_ mostly, but she bit back her questions when she saw Chloe's distraught, her silent supplication. She offered to go back inside, but Chloe vehemently shook her head and told her to drive her home. Beca wasn't sure where "home" was but when she took a left and Chloe recognized where they were going, she protested and said to take her at _her_ place. That's how they ended in her living room, Chloe curled up at her side on the couch, crying uncontrollably.

Finally, as if the sun rising and blinding Chloe for a moment was all it took, she sat up. She took Beca's hand, fidgeting with her fingers, visibly still lost in her thoughts.

"When I moved out of Atlanta, I didn't think I'd lost touch with you, but then work became very busy, and I think that my brain didn't want me to suffer from your lack of interest anymore, and so it let go of you. My heart never really gave up, though; it just needed somebody else to love. Aubrey was there, from the start, but I only realized it when I decided to stop caring for somebody who couldn't reciprocate the feelings. I know it wasn't what you really wanted, and that hurt the most. Five months after I left, I was starting to fall for Aubrey, really hard, but I needed closure with you. I needed to know if you still had that choke hold on my heart, or if I was finally free from the impossible Beca Mitchell. I wanted to pay you a surprise visit, to go back to the way we were before our hearts decided to join in. When I got to Barden, though, the other Bellas told me you weren't there; they thought you took off to get me. You have no idea how painful it was to realize that you, in fact, disappeared. You didn't even bother to leave a note; you simply took a plane and left, apparently. It took me longer than I expected to get over you, but Aubrey helped a lot. She was there, Beca, she was there when you wouldn't. She was there all along."

Beca had a hard time swallowing, a lump rapidly forming in her throat as she heard Chloe's words. Maybe it would've been best if the ginger hadn't started talking, because now Beca could see she was in for a long speech. Her heart sank a little more at the mention of her absence, and the shadow of guilt wrapped its arms around her once again.

"I forgave you, though, and I'm not holding you responsible for what you did to me, because you were scared and, frankly, I was too. I had wonderful moments with Aubrey; they just didn't last long enough. "

Beca pulled Chloe closer; she didn't know what else to do because there were no words that could fit so instead she let Chloe's sobs damp her shirt and rubbed her back slowly. Beca couldn't imagine how painful it must've been for Chloe to lose Aubrey; she never had to mourn for the loss of a lover, even less for her best friend. She was about to speak, to tell Chloe she would be there, from now on, if she ever needed her, but the redhead spoke up first.

"I lied."

Beca was confused for a moment there, but she didn't say anything. When Chloe didn't explain, though, she knew she had to ask.

"About what?" her tone was wary, cautious.

"Aubrey."

Now Beca was completely lost. Chloe felt horrible for putting her through this, but she couldn't bring herself to willingly tell her the whole story. She needed Beca to ask about it, needed to know she was there for real, and that it wasn't just her brain playing tricks on her.

"What do you mean you lied about Aubrey?" Beca's voice was soft and Chloe knew she understood perfectly what she was doing, and she silently thanked her for going along with it.

"She's not… dead."

The brunette's hand on her back stopped its circling motion and the time hung in mid-air as the notion sank in Beca's mind. She knew the blonde wasn't here anymore, she could tell, but she couldn't figure out why Chloe would lie if she simply took off or if they had broken up. She was trying really hard to come up with a plausible excuse for Chloe to lie on such a sensitive subject, but she didn't have time to find one that the redhead was talking again.

"The doctors say she is, but I can't believe them. I know it's been four years, but still, I can't believe God would take away my baby, I can't believe she won't wake up one morning and ask where I am. Beca, how is this even possible? It's my fault, I can't let her go, she can't die, I can't live without her. She's my best friend, Beca; she's my rock, my everything. How am I supposed to live without my fiancée, without my girlfriend? We were supposed to get married, Beca! Married!"

Chloe buried her face in her hands, the pain burning in her chest. It was the first time she even talked about Aubrey's condition out loud. Sure, she went to the long-term care center almost every day, and when she couldn't do it, she had her sister go. Chloe could feel Beca's confusion, but the brunette didn't say anything, she simply hugged her a bit tighter.

"It's okay, Chloe, you don't have to tell me everything." Beca whispered in her hair, and Chloe was suddenly mad at her. All of the built up anger, sadness, all her pain; all of it was suddenly pointed at Beca.

Chloe knew this wasn't going to solve everything: it wouldn't bring back Aubrey to her, it wouldn't help her make a choice, it wouldn't erase all the guilt she felt about what happened. But as her cheeks flushed and heat radiated from her chest, she felt alive, it felt good inside of her; it filled the hole where her heart should've been.

"You don't understand Beca!" she shot, standing up and facing the petite brunette. "You don't know what it's been like! Four years, almost five, of waiting for her to wake up! Two years of constant fear that another blood clog would get to her brain and take her away from me for good! It's been five years since I didn't see my girlfriend's eyes, five years since I haven't had a good night of sleep because I toss and turn; reliving the accident and noticing everything I could've done differently that could've saved her! You don't get to tell me it's okay because it's not Beca! Nothing is okay and now you come back in my life, you destroy everything I had so carefully built. You come rushing back in my heart and I can't help but want to be with you, but I can't Beca!" she was shouting now, yelling, her voice high pitched and broken. "I can't! Why can't you understand that?! Why do you have to worm your way in my mind all the time, leaving holes everywhere and making me yearn for your presence! I'm engaged, Beca, engaged, and maybe Aubrey will never wake up, but that doesn't help! You don't help at all right now! Why then, why for God's sake, can't I just move on and forget about you?! I was doing good on my own, and now I'm a mess, again, because of you! You!"

Everything in Beca was telling her to run away, to run as far as possible from that fury directed at her for no reason; every fiber in her body was aching to stand up and walk away, to shout back. She was fighting the urge to take off, like she did so many times before. She fought her first reflex; pressing her hands to her ears. She had taken too much shouting with her parents; had had too many sleepless nights because of them, she winced every time Chloe's voice got louder, until she couldn't take it anymore. She shot up to her feet and grabbed the redhead's face, pressing her lips hard against hers.

Chloe aggressively pushed her away, and Beca fell back on the couch. She had tears in her eyes, tears on her lips and it was then she realized that Chloe had been crying too. Chloe who was now straddling her hips, her wet and hungry lips on her hers once again.

They fell asleep on the bed, having crashed on the walls and to the bedroom. They were exhausted, their bodies tangled in one another as the morning light burned their skin. Chloe was the first to fall into a deep and twitching sleep. Beca wrapped her arms around her waist, ignoring the pain in her ribs when Chloe jabbed her elbow at her. She finally fell asleep too, but not before a long moment, trying to calm down the redhead's mind.

_"Aubrey! Where's my blue shirt?" Chloe called out, her head peeking out of the closet._

_The blonde sighed and walked out the bathroom to open one of the drawers and took out said shirt._

_"You were the one to put it in the drawer because you said 'I'll remember where it is there!', Chloe." Aubrey rolled her eyes at the sheepish smile her fiancée gave her, grabbing the shirt and pouting._

_"I knew where it was, I was... distracted. It's not my fault if I've never been a morning person! You're the one who booked the cake tasting at 10, not me."_

_"Chloe, 10 am is not early morning, beside, you never seem to dislike it when I wake you up at five..." Aubrey grined when she heard Chloe's groan of resiliation._

_"That's not the same at all. You know I can't resist your charm, and you use it against me." the redhead shot back, snaking her arms around Aubrey's waist and pressing their lips together._

_Aubrey felt the heat rush to her abdomen as Chloe's hand slowly slipped under her shirt, finding their way to her hips, her thumbs rubbing small circles right above the waistband of her pants. She let her head fall back, giving Chloe more space for her open mouthed kisses, trailing down her jaw to her neck, stopping momentarily just before her collarbone, where she gently bit down the flesh. Aubrey's mind was flushed with lust, but a little voice ― her rational and logical side that would never quite shut up ― told her they were going to be late for the appointment._

_"Chloe..." she started, but the ginger simply hummed, her lips moving down, getting dangerously close to one of her breasts. "We have an appointment in thirty minutes..."_

_"I know..." she stopped her kisses to face Aubrey, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. "I'll make it quick."_

_Aubrey's chuckle made Chloe frown, but the blonde simply laughed lightly and pushed her away. She gave her one last kiss and then ran when Chloe tried to hold on to her again, determined to not be late at this appointment._

_"Chloe, you couldn't make it quick even if your life depended on it!" she called out from the bathroom and laughed when she heard Chloe answer with a whine of disapointment._

_They left the house ten minutes later and Chloe was still trying to corrupt Aubrey into staying just a little bit longer; she tried to convince her fiancée there was nothing wrong with being late to a cake tasting appointment, but Aubrey was never one to be late. Even after all these years, Chloe still believed she could change that rigid punctuality Aubrey was obsessed with._

_Chloe was driving because Aubrey hated driving in LA, said people made her too nervous. Said there was too many angry drivers around here. Chloe said they just had to be extra careful. Said nothing was different than in Atlanta. Everything was different than in Atlanta, though, because that day if only Aubrey had accepted to stay home a little bit more, if only Chloe hadn't been in the middle of a joke, if only it had been red for them and green for the others._

_If only._

_They were waiting at the light on a busy street, they were almost there; Aubrey was laughing light heartedly at Chloe's bad joke; the radio was tuned down. They were smiling. They were happy. The light turned green, and for once Chloe didn't look side to side to see if the street was clear. She didn't seen that car speeding towards them. She didn't see it burn the redlight. _

_She did see, though, when it hit the passenger's side. She saw Aubrey's features distort in shock and disbelief as the car crashed her rib cage. Aubrey saw the horror in Chloe's face the second before she felt her body being shoved to the side. There was no screams, no sounds coming out of their mouths. Their eyes locked just before their heads hit the shattered windshield. _

_They were hit on the side, and that caused their car to spin and hit the cars coming their way. This wasn't supposed to be happening. Chloe's mind went dizzy, and the last thing she saw before the pain got the better of her were Aubrey's eyes staring at her. Her mouth was open, forming a perfect oval, looking shocked. _

_How could you do this me? that's what she was silently saying, Chloe was sure of it._

Chloe's scream echoed the small room, startling Beca who immediatly woke up. Before her brain could understand what was happening, her instincts had kicked in. Instead of running away from the loud shriek like she should've done, though, she grabbed Chloe by the waist and pulled her close, but the redhead was still asleep. She nearly dodged one of her fist coming at her jaw, and she took both of her wrists, pinning them down on the bed.

"Chloe! _Chloe_! Wake up!" she shouted, feeling her muscles burn as the ginger didn't stop fighting right away.

Finally, the screaming ceased, and Chloe opened her eyes; they were filled with tears, and fear, and something else that Beca couldn't quite figure out.

"I killed her."

It was a raw and low murmur, only a breath, but it felt like a fist landing directly in her heart, making it skip a beat. Beca realized now just how much she had to go through all these years on her own. Not only the guilt of the accident was heavy on her shoulders, but she was taking all the blame for her current condition too. Beca let herself fall at her side, and Chloe molded her body against hers, one leg draped around her hips, clutching at her rib cage.

"Chloe, I ―" Beca was cut short by the redhead who let out of a heavy sigh.

"Don't, please. Just.. don't. Can we do this?" she brushed Beca's skin with her hand, gesturing over their bodies. "For now please."

Beca tightened her grip just a bit more, placing a soft kiss on Chloe's head before answering, her breath hot through the redhead's hair.

"Yes, of course we can, Chloe."


	8. Chapter 8

Beca was first to wake up the next morning, which was weird, because usually she needed three alarms disposed all around her bedroom to get up in the morning. When she turned her head to the red numbers on her alarm clock, it said 7:13. Groaning, she tried to go back to sleep, but her mind was awfully awaken by now, and even curling up against Chloe's side didn't make her eyes droop.

She decided to make the best out of this, and went to her kitchen to start a fresh pot of coffee. Usually, she'd just drink what was left in the coffee machine from the day before, sometimes lasting half a week on one coffee-making session. The reason was simple: even after four years of having that new machine, she still didn't quite know how to use it. It was one of those fancy machines that she got from some event she had to attend in order to promote one of her bands a few years back. She loved coffee; she couldn't start a day without a hot cup of it, but she hated making it.

She fumbled with the machine, as always, and tried to curse as little as possible to let Chloe sleep a bit longer. Once the coffee was started and she had taken the last cup from the day before, Beca slouched in front of her computer in the living room. She plugged her headphones in ― something she didn't usually needed to do because she was alone ― and opened her music program. She had intended on working on some of the newest tracks she had recorded with her latest band, but instead, she found herself going through her list of songs she'd wanted to make a mix with, and picked three.

Before she could stop herself, Beca was lost in the music, drumming a beat with her feet, her head nodding. She stuck the tip of her tongue out when she was really concentrated; something that the boys loved to tease her about, and Chloe was ready to do the same. She was standing slightly behind the girl, watching her play with all sorts of things on her computer screen, and she didn't understand a lick of what she was doing, but seeing her so passionate about something made her smile.

She was tempted to simply let her be, to run away, to take what she had had with Beca and not drag her down this landslide with her. She wanted to be selfish, though, she wanted Beca all to herself, she wanted to bring her into her hellish life; she needed her presence and she needed her touch, her smile, her everything. She also wanted Aubrey to wake up, and for everything to go back the way they were with her, she wanted to get married to her best friend and lover, she wanted everything and she knew she couldn't have it all. She had to choose, but choosing right now seemed impossible.

Beca had stopped mixing, and was facing Chloe with a small smile. She knew the ginger was lost in her head, and she didn't want her to feel bad about anything she did. Little did she know Chloe wasn't even thinking about leaving her, not after this, and she was instead trying to find a way to get everything she wanted instead of making decisions. Beca locked her hands behind Chloe, pulling her closer before talking, their foreheads pressed against one another.

"Stop thinking. Just for a minute. " she said.

"I can't, Beca. I can't, I have so much to do, I can't let everybody down, I can't let _Aubrey_ down, not again." She answered, sighing before untying Beca's hands in her back to pull away.

She didn't walk away, though, she simply took a step back. Beca closed the distance between them once again, like there was a rope linking them, an invisible thread that forced them to never be more than two feet apart; they were gravitating around each other, their gravity center having changed for the other. This was something Beca had never experienced, and it took her breath away for a second before she could speak again. It had been a mechanical move to step closer to Chloe.

"Chloe." When the redhead wouldn't look at her, Beca took another step forward, placing her hands on the side of her face. "Chloe, look at me."

Chloe did, after a few seconds, her eyelids fluttering to chase away the tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

"Tell me what do you want. You. Not what everybody expects of you, not what you think you need to do. Just you. What do you want, more than anything right now, what do you want for you?" Beca asked with a soft voice.

"A break." Chloe's answer came with no hesitation; like a sigh of relief she finally let out, like she could finally breathe normally, like her lungs weren't filled with dust anymore. And the second after, she felt even worse. "But I can't, Beca! I can't do it, not right now! I don't deserve a break, I deserve everything I'm living right now."

Beca's lips muffled her protest within seconds, and she kissed her with force until Chloe gave in and kissed her back. The brunette knew that sealed something new between Chloe and her, but she didn't care, not right now at least. Maybe she'd regret this when her true nature would come back at high speed, maybe she'd run away like before, but she was determined to make this work for now. And for as long as she could.

—

They got dressed in record time when Chloe remembered she had to feed Maddie, that poor dog had been out all day yesterday and all night and then today too. Beca muttered something that sounded like "that thing is not a dog it's the Devil's child, I'm sure it fed on small children already" which Chloe decided to wave away with a chuckle. She couldn't believe Beca was afraid of such a sweet dog like Maddie.

When they arrived at Chloe's house, the redhead swallowed the lump forming in her throat and was quick inside; a bag of clothes and enough food for Maddie to last for the time she would be out. She unlocked the dog trap in her back door and left Maddie inside when she finally came out of the house. She climbed back in the car with her backpack full of clothes, earning herself a slight chuckle from Beca.

"Chloe, we're going for four days, not two weeks. You didn't need to pack so much stuff." She said jokingly.

She almost added that she wouldn't need that much clothes anyways, but she didn't, because she didn't want to rush things with Chloe. _Mitchell, please, you slept with the girl before even remembering her, things couldn't have been more rushed than this._ She ignored the voice in her head and rolled her eyes at her own thoughts before driving away slowly.

It took them nine hours to get to Napa Valley instead of seven, where Beca had a cabin lost in the woods, because Chloe insisted Beca wasn't going in the right direction. Of course, the brunette knew exactly where she was going, but the other woman had a way of pushing until she gave in and did a u turn. They got lost, eventually, but Beca managed to get them back on track, only to have a pouting Chloe for the rest of the drive.

"I was sure it was a shortcut, ok!" she said for the hundredth time when Beca snorted at her folded arms and frowning brows.

Chloe stayed like that until they reached the entrance of the forest. Her eyes lit up at the thought of finding a mystical paradise deep in the woods. Beca, however, drove with confidence, a little too fast for Chloe's liking, but she didn't say anything, too busy observing the glistening leaves of the tree ― it had rained recently― bend over and form what seemed to her like a reverence on their way. Her mouth hung open the whole way to the cabin, and when she saw the small house, made entirely of wood and perched above a large and high flight of stairs, she whistled.

"You've never seen a cabin before?" Beca asked, looking at Chloe's enchanted face and smiling.

"Yes, of course, we used to have one when I was a kid, but it was nothing like…" she climbed out of the car to run up the stairs, extending her arms in the air and breathing in before shouting with a huge smile on her face "like this! It's magical!"

Beca shook her head and chuckled; she hadn't changed a bit for that, and she was glad she hadn't, because that's something she's always loved about Chloe: her innocence, the way she could be mesmerized by the simplest thing. For Beca, this was just a small wooden cabin that she liked to stay in when things got out of hands in the city. There was no internet, no signal, not even electricity or hot water.

When they went in, Chloe shivered, and Beca started a fire in the chimney while the redhead wandered around to take a better look. It only had one bedroom, of course, and she felt her heart shrink a little bit, but decided to not think about what that meant until faced with it. She noticed there were a lot of candles in the house and promised herself to ask Beca why. She thought it odd there were no lights on and when she finally clicked, she slapped her hand on her face: there was no electricity, of course!

"This place is really cute, Beca, I love it!" she chirped, slopping down on the couch while the brunette worked to get her fire started.

"Thanks, I bought it a few years ago, and I've been coming up here at least twice a month for a few days, just to get my head back together. Did you take a look around?" she asked, the tip of her tongue peeking out as her focus went back to the fire.

"Yeah, I did, and uhm… there's only one bedroom?" she half-asked, half-wondered, her gaze staring at Beca's back.

"Yeah? You don't like it? I designed it myself." Beca truly didn't see the problem there, because Chloe would have all her privacy in that bedroom. Eventually, she had a nice flame catching in the wood and stood up to face the ginger.

Her face was slightly uncomfortable, like she wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. Beca sat down next to her and smiled knowing what was on her mind.

"Don't worry, Chloe, I won't be with you in the bedroom, I'm taking the couch." She said and the relief flooding in the other woman's face told her that's what she was afraid of.

"But I don't want to take your bed away from you, you need to sleep too, Beca." She stated with a sad look on her face.

"Chloe, I think of all the times I've came here, I slept more on the couch than in the bedroom. I usually fall asleep watching the flames and wake up cold as hell the next morning. I'll be alright, and besides, I don't think it'd be good for you to sleep on the couch." She added with a sincere look of concern, eying her side.

Chloe waved her worries away with one hand and place it on her stomach afterwards when it growled like a demon.

"I think I'm hungry." She giggled

"Better feed the beast before it eats me!" Beca joked before getting up to turn on the old charcoal stove.

She cooked dinner, surprising Chloe with her cooking skills, and they ate in a comfortable silence. There was an old record player in the living room, and as soon as Chloe saw it, she picked something and put it on. The slightly noisy sound of Billy Joel flooded the warmly lit room and she took Beca's hand to dance with her.

"You still can't slow dance, as I can see." Chloe purred in her ear as Beca stepped on her foot for the third time in sixty seconds.

She pulled her close to her again when the brunette tried to get out of her embrace though, and found Chloe's lips grazing the skin of her ear again, sending shivers down her spine.

"And that's still as sexy as before." She added before placing light kisses right under her ear lobe, and down her neck, following her jaw line. "Tell me everything's going to be okay, Beca" she pleaded, her wet lips catching on Beca's dry mouth.

"Everything's gon' be okay" Beca said in a breath, her heart racing in her chest, a giant lump forming in her throat.

Chloe pressed her lips on Beca's, closing her eyes and tasting the fake promise on her tongue as she demanded entrance of the brunette's mouth. The tempo changed but they stood there, exchanging years of missed kisses and mingled breaths, until their hearts couldn't take such high dose of adrenaline and pheromone at the same time and they parted away, panting.

Their eyes glistened with tears; of joy, of sadness, of nostalgia, of everything they hadn't shared for the past six years, of everything they would never get back, of everything they missed from each other, of longing, of yearning, of relief because they finally found each other again.

Beca pulled Chloe in a powerful hug, her fingers trying to cover as much of her back as she could. She buried her face in the crook of her neck, breathing hair and perfume until she couldn't breathe anymore. Chloe responded with the same need of feeling her close, feeling her melting around her. She tighten her grip at her hips, her nails digging in the soft skin, her neck bent over her shoulder so nobody could differentiate their bodies from one another, except from their hair and clothes.

They stayed like this until the music stopped, and then they slowly detached from each other; they were still unsure of what just happened, but they knew it had. Beca offered to call it a night and Chloe nodded, taking her hand to lead her in the bedroom. The brunette tried to object, but Chloe's eyes were begging her to not argue and Beca feared she would change her mind if she did, so she followed her.

The ginger lifted Beca's shirt above her head and caressed the shivering skin of her stomach and her shoulders. She let the shorter woman do the same with her shirt and they held their breath as their bellies touched and their fingers tangled together. When their lips met again, they were hungry with a new passion. They managed to stay in control of their hands to unbuttoned each other's pants. After that split second where Chloe's fingers trailed along Beca's underwear, they both lost it to lust. Their soft kiss became a hard and angry one, their hands couldn't touch enough.

They fell on the bed in harmony. Beca put a strand of red hair behind Chloe's ear before digging her nails in her skull to pull her in. Her back arched under the ginger's hand teasing her over the fabric of her panties and a cascade of moans escaped her dry throat. Chloe's mind was burning with desire, and she didn't last very long; she tore the undergarments away, surprising Beca with her strength, and slowly, she curled two fingers and pushed them inside of her. The brunette's growl of pleasure made Chloe whine and she bit down hard on her shoulder. Pain raked through her whole body; the hole in her chest was consuming her again. As she increased her pace, feeling Beca's hips buck with her rhythm, she also felt the hole being filled; not with fear or guilt like always, but with love. A warm and peaceful love; an flame of care and tender ravaging the pain she had felt for so long.

Beca's scream echoed in the room as her body gave one last shudder before falling limp in Chloe's arms. She didn't realize she'd been crying before the younger woman kissed the wet trails on her cheeks.

"I'm right here, Chloe." She said with a hoarse voice, her body still vibrating from her climax.

Beca rolled them over and took her time; she put down Chloe's panties; she placed a hand over her core, feeling the heat radiating from it. Chloe's hips lifted to meet Beca's hand and she sighed with relief when it touched her. Beca made love to her like no one did before; she left light kisses all over her body, sending Chloe's sense into overdrive; her hands were soft yet firm, and she controlled every movement with a precision the redhead had never experienced. When she tumbled down from the cliff Beca had her at the edge of from the beginning, she gripped the sheets, biting lips to restrain the scream from tearing her apart.

She hadn't felt so whole in so long, she had forgotten how good it felt. When Beca molded her body behind Chloe's, using her arms to shield her from the still cold of the room. They fell asleep with a smile on their faces; they were going to be alright.

—

They spent the rest of their four days mostly strutting around half naked, and the pnly time they deemed it worthy enough to actually put on some clothes was when they went out hiking. Who knew Chloe was such a motivational speaker that she got Beca into enjoying their outdoors activities? Mostly they'd lay in bed for about an hour every morning, just being there with each other and feeling good about it. Then, their stomach would growl to remind them that they needed to be fed and Beca would cook them a monstruous breakfast. Fire licking the wood in the fireplace, they'd spend the day talking about small things; how Chloe didn't like artechokes, how Beca would die to be on a music tv show like The Voice ― if Chloe ever told that to anybody, she would deny it fiercely, but let's face it; she would be the perfect tcoach because she is a music producer and she knows how to turn an average singer into an awesome one. She made Chloe laugh like she hadn't laugh in about four years, and it felt good.

It felt right.

On the fourth day, they took their time to taste every second of their last morning before going back to reality. They licked the grease of bacon off their fingers after breakfast, and they worked at a snail pace to pack things up, exchanging ide lances and little sad smiles. They knew all this was only a bliss, a volunteer halt in the storm of reality; now tey would have to face the consequences of it. Chloe didn't want to leave, though, she wanted to stay here a bit longer, a lot longer. It was nice to just be herself, to fall in love again, when she thought she wouldn't feel like this again. And the guilt was gone. Anytime Beca would lay her hands o her body, the hole in her chest would tighten a little bit more, and it was almost completely closed now. She knews that the minute she would go back to her life, no memories would be good enough to fill it again.

She knew she had escaped from he responsibilities, that she had been selfish, but she didn't care. For once, she could feel the rightness of the moment when she looked into Beca's eyes. When she felt he butterflies explose in her stomach whenever the brunette would smile at her. She knew Aubrey would've approved of this, and that was comforting. She knew, somewhere inside of her, that it had been her own fault if she'd been this miserable for so long, but how do you let go of such a weight without somebody to hold you through it? Chloe had found that somebody, and she was ready to fight for it.

When Beca looked at Chloe, she remembered why she had fallen for the girl back at Barden, but she knew things had changed. A lot. And that she couldn't use the disappearing card again, because now she had to take care of Chloe. The redhead was the one who needed to be held, not her like when they were in college. That was a big difference, and Beca realized as she packed the car that, maybe she still wasn't ready for this. She couldn't take off, not after she promised Chloe, but she felt her inner self already planning an escape plan for this. Could she really leave Chloe even if she wanted to? Could she abandoned the woman she loved and needed her so much right now, just because her old self was afraid of commitment, of making mistakes, of opening up? She was ready to fight herself to give Chloe the best she could, but could she go if that was the best she could give her?

As soon as they climbed in the car, their hands locked together; a special reminder that those four days weren't lost, they weren't a dream: they were real and the start of something beautiful. They drove in silence for the first three hours, and when they stopped for food, they chatted in low whispers, as if they were afraid that if they talked too loud, reality would find them earlier than necessary. Beca put one of her CDs of mixes she had in her car, and they sang their hearts out to the songs. Chloe's delight with every song pairings the brunette had done was making said brunette smirk and blush.

She dropped Chloe off, and when she asked if she wanted to stay for the night, Beca said yes. She had had four days with the ginger, she had experienced what it felt like to wake up at her side for real and not just in her dreams, she had experienced how soft it was to fall asleep in her arms. She had all those memories in the back of her mind, those four days that she couldn't undo, and she simply nodded with a smile when offered the chance to repeat the experience again.

A/N : Sorry for the wait! I was busy but there you go! It might be a while before I update, because there's a lot happening right now and even though I have everything planned for this story, actually writing it is impossible for me at the moment. So, I hope you'll still be there when I finally get my mind back to Bechloe! I'm sorry, really, I just can't write it right now.


	9. Chapter 9

They say it takes twenty-one days to form a habit. They never said how much time it took to undo that same habit. Every day for the past four years, Chloe had woken up alone in her bed, Aubrey's side completely intact. Every morning, she would stir and sigh until Maddie got up. Her dog was the only reason she could get up in the morning when the first thought to hit her mind was that she had killed her fiancée. Of course, nobody accused her of anything, but they didn't need to, because Chloe was deeply persuaded that everything was her fault. She never stopped hoping that a miracle would happen and that Aubrey would wake up, but the doctors had been firm with her: the blonde's brain was dead. They kept her body alive with machines, but nothing was alive anymore in Aubrey. They knew better than to suggest to let her go, because the last time they did, they unleashed a ginger fury which revealed a side to Chloe nobody would ever want to cross twice.

It didn't take Chloe twenty-one days to get accustomed to Beca's body during the night. It didn't take her twenty-one days to feel safe in the morning, reaching for her hand. It took her one day only, and she knew that it was right, that everything they were doing was okay. The redhead knew she still had to make a decision about Aubrey, but at least, she didn't have to do it alone. The next morning, they woke up in a kind of haze, and Chloe was smiling because for the first time in four years, she woke up not to the thought that she had taken the life of her lover, but that she was feeling good. Being with Beca was what she had wanted in college, but she didn't regret the time she had with Aubrey.

"Good morning beautiful." She heard herself call, wrapping her legs around Beca's hips.

The brunette turned around, already smiling, and snuggled close to Chloe, her eyes still closed. She was hoping for a nice morning with the redhead, but Beca didn't know today was already planned in Chloe's head, and the music producer wasn't really included. The older woman had missed four days at the care center, they must think she had abandoned her fiancée, so she wanted to visit Aubrey, but she wasn't ready to bring Beca. She shook her a little bit to wake her up.

"Wake up, Beca, we need to talk." She said in a soft voice, her lips brushing Beca's ear and sending shivers down her spine.

"Talk, uh? This looks more interesting." She replied, cupping Chloe's chin to kiss her, her eyes still half closed with sleep.

She ran her fingers across the ginger's toned stomach, about to reach her goal when another hand stopped her. Chloe sighed in her neck, and Beca knew this was serious, and something was bothering her. She opened her eyes and kissed her nose before pulling her in her arms.

"Okay, we'll talk, Chloe." She simply said, resting her head on top of the other woman's.

"I don't know what we'll do, but I know that I don't want to let you go, not again. I don't regret the time I've had with Aubrey, and I am truly glad that you're here right now. It's just that I can't let go, you know? I can't just let go of everything that's been my life ever since you've been gone to get with you, you know? It doesn't seem right, doesn't seem fair to Aubrey. I guess I owe you some explanations first, because the night you" she struggled a little, feeling all the pent up emotions rushing down on her "you sang to me, I was in shock, and I still am, but it's not entirely because of her state, it's more because…"

This, she couldn't say. She simply couldn't bring herself to say aloud what has been lurking for the past weeks. She shut her lips tight and looked down, pressing her eyelids hard to repress the tears forming behind them. She wanted to be strong, to be good; she didn't want to break down every time she had to think about what was coming. Taking a deep breath, Chloe formed the words in her head before saying them out loud.

"Because in three months I have to make a decision even simply thinking of makes me want to throw up. In three months, it'll be five years since Aubrey has been in a coma, and I signed a five-year contract, if you want, with them, and it's coming to an end and I don't know what to do."

Beca was at lost, now, she wasn't sure she understood everything Chloe was saying, but it was distressing her beyond predictable. Beca held on to her shaking shoulders, watching as she crumbled in a puddle of hurt and tears in her arms, frozen in agony because she was so helpless. She didn't know what to do, she was never the one to comfort others, she was the one running away from complex feelings. This one was exactly what she had tried to avoid ever since Barden. This feeling of nothingness and emptiness in her chess, the feeling that she wasn't enough fighting with the feeling that she could move mountains to make sure Chloe was alright in the long run. Those mixed emotions petrified her as the woman she was so fond of groped her body like it was her only anchor, her nails digging under the thin fabric of her shirt.

"Beca I can't let her go. I can't make that decision, it's not mine to make, but her parents are nowhere to be found, and she doesn't have any other relative. Even if she had, it wouldn't change a thing, because Aubrey has put me as her agent in her living will, so I'm the only one who can make this decision. But I don't want to Beca, I don't, I can't even think of life without her."

Chloe was rambling now, she knew it, but Beca didn't do anything to stop her, she simply clutched at her shoulders a little tighter until the redhead could breathe normally again.

"Chloe, I really want to help you, I do. I know it sounds weird coming out of my mouth, but time has passed and things have changed. But one thing hasn't I'm still madly into you, and I want to do anything I can to help you get through this. I need something more than that, though, because, frankly, I don't even know what decision you have to make. You're scaring me right now, and I hate that."

It was nothing more than a whisper, a raw and low whisper that came out hushed and fast, but Chloe understood every word of it, and a part of her heart was gorging with relief that she was actually not running away while the other was shrieking and burning from pain because if she was there to stay, that meant Aubrey had to go.

"I have to decide if I pull the plug on every machine keeping her alive or if I pay for another five years of caring in that center." she said in a sharp breath of pain, her voice breaking at the end.

Beca nodded simply and rubbed large circles on her back until the alarm clock went off and she realized they had been awake for two hours now, but it was only seven in the morning. Maddie scratched at the door and the brunette waited for Chloe to jump up, but the older woman had fallen back to sleep. This must be so hard for her, you could at least take the damn dog out, give her a bit of peace for now, Beca thought to herself, trying to motivate her legs to let her get up and take care of Chloe's dog. She grunted, but slowly put Chloe's head on her pillow and struggled with the sheets ― not really ― before opening the door. She blocked a muscular mass that rushed through the opening and hissed at the dog trying to get in.

"No! get out! Get. Out." she said, pushing Maddie with her knee until the dog backed away long enough for her to close the door behind herself. "She's asleep, you let her sleep demoniac creature!" she spat angrily at the dog, wagging it's tail.

She tiptoed to the backdoor, but she could have jumped everywhere it wouldn't have made any differences because the dog was galloping from the door to her so loudly Beca grimaced the whole way. As soon as she opened the door, the dog bounced out and she closed it with a sigh, only to find Chloe standing in the kitchen's entrance, a small smile on her face.

"What?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Nothing, you're just really cute when you're scared." Chloe replied, making her way to the coffee machine.

"Scared? I wasn't scared, I was trying to make as little noise as possible because you were sleeping." she said, looking away, blatantly lying, which made Chloe chuckle.

"Whatever you say. She's ready to come in, want to let her in and feed her?" she asked, her eyes squinting in a teasing way.

"I think it's best if you do it." Beca replied before walking away, stealing a kiss from Chloe's lips as she passed her. "I'm going to get dressed."

Chloe let Maddie in and fed her while Beca grabbed all of her clothes and packed her bag to go home. When she went in the kitchen, Chloe was sat at the island counter, looking down.

"Hey, Chloe, call me if you need anything, ok? I know you need time to process everything, but, uh… I'm there, ok?" she wasn't sure what to do, or if what she said was alright, but she needed to tell Chloe, to reassure her ― or herself? ― that this time she wouldn't run away.

Chloe nodded, but she didn't let go of Beca's hand. She couldn't. Just a little more time, five minutes, and I'll kick her out if I need to. Just.. five more minutes with her. I'm not ready. She was trying to bargain with her reason, but she knew better than to start this little game with herself. She finally let go of Beca's hand and with a final little smile, she watched her get out of her house. She didn't even ask herself how she knew she had to go, she was simply glad she didn't have to ask her to leave. Chloe wasn't sure she would've been able to do that though.

She sighed and looked at her dog, who wagged her tail, completely oblivious to everything that was going on.

"Come on Maddie, we're going for a walk." she said and the Mastiff jumped on its paws and ran to the door.

The center wasn't opened until eight and she needed to clear her mind before going. It had been almost a week since she had seen Aubrey, and her mind made sure to remind her the way she looked before, not after. She took her dog out for a long walk around the block, and when she came back, she took a cold shower to wake her up and set her mind straight. Then, Chloe settled Maddie on the porch and climbed in her car.

"Good morning, Ms Beale." the receptionist at the entrance of the center said with a charming smile.

Chloe waved at her and smiled before walking to the elevator. Second floor, on the left, at the end of the hallway; room 207. She took a deep breath, refusing to look in the window of the room before entering. She pushed the door slowly, noticing that somebody had trimmed the flowers she had brought last time and opened the curtains. The room bathed in sunlight, making lights and shades dance on Aubrey's very still features.

She was lying on her bed, her arms rigidly set by her sides, her palms flat on the sheets covering half her body. Her head was slightly turned towards the sun and Chloe thought it was a nice attention the nurse had. As she approached her, Chloe could see the little details that reminded her of everything that had happened that day. Her pale skin was glowing with the look of those who were ill. Her hair needed to be washed; Chloe was the one doing it usually. Her long blond locks had split ends and were greasy at the roots. She could see the scars of the accident on her face; the pink line traveling from her right eyebrow down to her cheek because of the shattered glass; the thin white scar splitting her upper lip in half vertically because of the shock of her head on the dashboard; her earrings had been ripped out of her ears in the accident and her earlobes were still separated.

Chloe took Aubrey's hand in hers, her eyes focused on her fingers, watching in hopes of any movement, but nothing came and she sighed. She sat down beside her and the memories flooded through her. Usually, she would read her favorite book to her, but today, she felt like something different. She wasn't ready to tell her about Beca, not right now, this was their moment together, this was them, not Beca and her. She pulled her chair closer and rested her head on Aubrey's shoulder, closing her eyes before the tears could take over.

"Do you remember that time I found a stray cat in the pouring rain on my way home? We had just moved in and I was complaining the house felt too impersonal, we needed to fill it with something? I remember. It was raining like hell, and I could barely see the road, but I still saw that little thing on the sidewalk, trying to fight the wind and the water. I braked so hard it made you swore and sent you into panic mode instantly. You asked what was wrong, if we had hit something, but I said 'No, there's a stray cat on the sidewalk!' and with that, I opened my door and went to get it. You were quicker than me though, and you blocked my way. 'Are you insane?!' you shouted, and I looked at you like you were the crazy on. 'Its lost, Aubrey, and it's pouring, we gotta take it home with us.' I answered, but you wouldn't move. I tried to pass you, but you grabbed my hand and pleaded to get home, it was freezing. 'No, I'm not leaving that cat out here, Aubrey.' I told you, and you rolled your eyes and went back in the car.

Do you remember what happened after that? I got the cat and we went home, and you instructed me to go change my clothes and take a hot shower to make me stop shivering, or I'd get a cold. You were always the one to take care of me because I was so reckless it drove you crazy. By the time I got out of the shower and changed into dry clothes, you were sitting on the couch with the cat wrapped in a blanket, and you were purring sweet stuff into his ears almost as loud as its own purring. I wanted to squeal, to jump in front of you and say 'HA! I knew you'd like it!' but it was so perfect; you looked so adorable just scratching it behind the ears and muttering cute things, I couldn't disturb you.

So instead, I snuck up behind you and watched you ooze out adorableness for a solid five minutes before the cat fell asleep and you put it down the couch. Remember how you tried to deny everything that just happened, how I cornered you in the kitchen before you finally gave in that yes, you did like the cat. Remember how much you cried when we found its home three days later? It was just a stray cat that you didn't even want in the first place, but you told me after that that your parents never allowed you to have pets, and that's how we got Ginny.

But when we moved again to be in our house that we have now, Ginny ran away, and we never found her. I remember how sad you were, but also how you said 'Well, at least, she gave us happiness for the time she was with us, and I don't regret that.' Do you remember, Aubrey? Because I do, and this memory keeps coming back in my mind. How, even through your own hurting because you lost something dear, you were thankful for the moments you had shared with it. I feel like it's my reason trying to tell me to let you go, to cherish the time we had together and to not regret the time we won't, but how can I do that? You were my everything, Aubrey, and look where I put you."

Chloe was softly sobbing now, her eyes closed, and she squeezed Aubrey's hand. She knew her girlfriend wouldn't squeeze back, but she couldn't help the anger to rise inside of her. This wasn't fair. She was supposed to be the one in that bed, not her. She was supposed to be the one who's breathing was assured by a beeping machine, whose heart was still beating only because blood was pumped in it by another machine. Chloe rose to her feet, she couldn't stay here any longer. She kissed Aubrey's lips with a trembling mouth and walked away. She knew what she had to do, she simply didn't want to do it.


	10. Chapter 10

"Woah, Beca, that's harsh."

The comment made her sigh and pinch the bridge of her nose. She knew it had been unrightfully cold and mean, but it had escaped her mouth before she could think about it. It was like she was back in high school when she would speak whatever was on her mind, which got her into trouble more than she liked. She put both her hands down on her mixing console and let her head fall down. She was tired, she hadn't slept well in a while, and she knew exactly why, but until then, she had managed to keep her personal life from interfering with her work. Today, though, it felt to her as if the boys were trying to get her upset. They weren't playing like usually, and instead of asking what was wrong, she just assumed they were being lazy and that their new fame was getting to their head.

"I'm sorry Gabe, I didn't mean what I said. I'm just… under a lot of stress." She finished with another sigh before looking up at the young men.

"Well, we aren't at our best today either, are we?" the lead singer answered, coming out of the sound booth, followed by the others.

"Yeah, I heard that, what's going on?" she asked, half smiling.

"My dad's sick, and they don't know how long he's got." The bassist said, looking down when tears threatened to fall.

The other men gathered around the oldest member of their band and patted his shoulders or squeezed it. Beca smiled apologetically because he had been the one she had yelled at through the mike. She felt bad now, but she understood how he felt, because she could relate. Maybe not in the same way, but when somebody you care so much about is going through something like this, you start to hurt for them in hopes it will ease their pain.

"I'm sorry Brent, I understand. Take the day off, take the whole week or month off, if you want to. I'll talk with the press, I'll back you on this, don't worry. And when you're ready, come back and we'll finish that new album. Don't worry guys, I won't go anywhere." She said with a kind smile, and the boys nodded.

During her professional career, Beca hadn't encountered a lot of bands for whom she would've had those words, but this one reminded her of a family, reminded her of something she once had but let down because she was selfish. These men were there for each other, and she wasn't going to hold it against them. They smiled and hugged her tight, saying that if she ever needed anything, she could count on them, and then they were gone.

Sitting in her leather chair, Beca looked at her phone, tempted to call her. It had been two months since they decided to take a chance on each other, and Beca still felt like she was about to make a mistake. She felt so good in Chloe's arms, but her old self felt imprisoned, she needed space while at the same time Chloe needed her the most. She needed to be alone when Chloe needed her to be there. Beca was conflicted to a point that it kept her awake at night.

She had made a promise to Chloe, and that was to be there, but to what price was she expected to keep that promise? She knew she needed to fight her own demons and defeat her fear of commitment, but she was afraid to let her heart out again; the memory of how it ended last time still burning in the back of her mind.

She loved the ginger, though, she was sure of that. She simply didn't understand the complexity of relationships. She sighed and dialed Chloe's number. She had told her she would call after work, and she did.

"Hey." Her voice was hoarse and she sounded tired.

"Hey, how are you?" she already knew the answer to that question, but she had to ask anyway.

"I'm okay. You're done?" Chloe's tone was almost cold, and Beca's heart shrank; she had been crying.

"Yeah." She didn't want to push things, she didn't want to invite herself if Chloe didn't want her there, but at the same time, she just wish to hold the redhead in her arms and chase her worries away.

There was a silence on the line, and Beca closed her eyes. This was like any other call and every time, it broke Beca's heart because she couldn't do anything. Chloe had asked for some time alone, and Beca was trying to give it to her, but to be fair, she felt like she was the one distancing herself from the redhead. She felt like, after getting her back, she was letting her go once again. It hurt her like crazy to think that she could do that, again, and she didn't know what to do to make Chloe see that she wasn't running away another time. At the same time, she didn't want to force her presence in the ginger's life if she didn't want her there.

She finally said goodbye to Chloe and drove back to her place. In the middle of the drive, though, the day Chloe came back from one of her visit hit her. She had to stop her car on the side of the road because she knew that when that happened she couldn't push the souvenirs away, she had to relive the moment.

_Chloe parked her car in front of Beca's house and already, the brunette could tell something wasn't quite right. What was right, though, in these times? Beca opened the door only to face Chloe who had a deadly serious face on. She looked really tired, and Beca stepped aside to let her in. She walked to the couch, followed by Beca who wanted to ask millions of questions, but she remained silent as she sat down beisde her._

_"I need to tell you what happened. I can't do this if I don't say it. Please, just... try to listen and...okay." _

_She took a deep breath, and Beca knew she was in for a long and painful memory, that she'd have to look at Chloe's face contort with sadness, that she'd have to sit there and watch her destroy herself with guilt, going over and over what happened._

_"Aubrey had just proposed to me, it must've been like a month or something, and we were starting to plan everything. I remember one day I broke down crying because I couldn't believe I was getting married. Aubrey thought I was second-guessing my answer, but it wasn't that, it was really simply overwhelming and she said we didn't have to get married the next month and I thought we'd have enough time together to take things slow. We did take things slow, but on our second cake tasting appointment, everything went wrong. The light was green for us, and so I hit the gas, but usually I look on both sides to make sure the road is clear. I didn't that day, and it cost my fiancée her life. I was distracted because I was in the middle of a joke and next thing I see when I turn my head to face her is that car crashing into us. I swear that's the last memory I have: that day. Everything else is blurry, and sometimes it comes back, but not everything does. I remembered Aubrey when I dreamed about her during my hospitalization. I had a few broken ribs, a severe head trauma and a broken leg. Aubrey didn't get so lucky. They said that when her head hit the dashboard, it shook her brain so bad she started to bleed internally. It didn't take long for the paramedics to get us out of the car when they got here, but it was too late for Aubrey. They say it was quick, and she must not have felt a thing, it was like her body snapped into sleep and forgot to wake up. _

_At first, they thought she might wake up eventually. I did too, because I couldn't believe I had lost her months before marrying her. It was just so unfair, you know? Unfair and completely out of nowhere. That morning, I tried to keep her home just a little bit longer, I really wanted to be late to that damn appointment, and in the end, we should've been late. Maybe then Aubrey wouldn't be lying on a hospital bed, her eyes closed forever. I recovered quickly, but my memory did not. The souvenirs need to be very strongly triggered and be important, like having changed my way of thinking or something in my life, for me to remember them, otherwise, I have forgotten everything. I had to be the strong one, here, because Aubrey was in a worse state than me, but I couldn't do that if I wasn't healed. I didn't really listened to the doctors, though, and that's how I ended up with a bad bone recovery in my ribs, and my back hurts every day. I could go and get something to get rid of the pain, but it's been almost five years and I still haven't, because I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to go back to a completely normal life, to move on, when Aubrey is still lying in that hospital bed, by my fault."_

_Chloe had started crying five seconds after she started talking, but she had pushed Beca's hand away. Taking a deep breath, she had closed her eyes and focused on the memory, wincing when she told her about the accident, and her features degrading slowly to contort into an expression of hurt. It had been five years, Beca thought, and she still thought it was her fault. How horrible must that be to live like that._

Panting, Beca gripped the steering wheel to make sure she was back from her souvenir. It had hurt like hell to watch Chloe beat herself down so hard for something that wasn't even her fault, it was the other driver's fault. She put the car on drive and hit the gas pedal, tires digging in the road, her bumper jumping forward.

Moments later, Beca was prancing in her kitchen, watching her phone screen on which she had dialed her father's number. They hadn't spoken in months, but he had always told her that if she ever needed anything, a call and he'd be there in no time. She wasn't quite sure what she wanted to ask him, but deep down inside of her, a little girl needed her daddy. Taking a sharp intake of air to fill her lungs clogged with apprehension, she hit the dial button.

"Hello?" simply hearing his voice flooded relief over her white knuckles and she relaxed instantly.

"Hey Dad, it's me" she said, closing her eyes.

"Who's me?" he asked, but she could feel the smile in his words.

"Your third son, Dad, who do you think it is." She shot back, already smirking.

"Well, I don't know, it must not be my only daughter, sine she hasn't called in months and there's no way I could've known if she was still alive." She heard the hurt in his voice, and it made her feel bad.

"I'm sorry, I was really busy. You know you could've called too, though, don't try to put this all on me." she heard him sigh on the other end and decided to tell him why she was calling before he asked, because she didn't know if she'd have the courage to say the truth otherwise. "Dad, I'm calling because…" it was harder than she thought it would be to simply say the words 'I need you' but she was determined to force them out. "Because I need you."

The sting of tears made her pinch the bridge of her nose. Her dad took a deep breath, the words sinking in. He didn't need to know the details, even though he really wanted to ask what was putting her in such a mess that she needed her old man. She heard him put his hand over the receiver and soft exchanges, probably with Sheila. Seconds passed, then minutes, and when he came back on the line, Beca was barely holding back the tears.

"Please, dad." She choked out. "I'm so lost, I don't know what to do."

"Hush, hush, now. Tell me what happened, Beca." He said in the most reassuring voice he could manage.

"Do you remember Chloe?" she said in a whisper.

He remembered her, oh he did, and he knew that if his daughter remembered the girl too, that meant nothing good. Her dad was a wise man, though, and he bit down the flow of words that wanted to come out, opting for a quick nod and a short reply.

"Yes, I do. What about her?"

"What _not _about her?" Beca countered, this time a sob shaking her shoulders so violently she almost dropped her phone. "She's back, dad, but this time, it's different. I just don't know what to do. Everything in me screams to run away as fast as I can, that I'll only end up weeping over her like the first time, but another part of me wants to stay so badly I can barely recognize myself. I don't know what's happening to me, but I don't want it to end, and at the same time I want it to stop right now. What is wrong with me, dad?"

Her sobs made her slur her words, and she slid on the floor, her back to her refrigerator's door. Beca's dad closed his eyes, wanting to hold his daughter in his arms so bad right now, even Sheila's comforting back rubs didn't help him.

"Beca, listen to me. What happened for you to be in such a state of mind, what did she do, Beca?"

"It's not what she did, Dad, it's what I did to her. I couldn't let those damn walls down back at Barden, I asked you to fly me to Los Angeles because I was a coward, I was afraid I'd get hurt, and she ended up the one getting hurt the most, because of me. Now, she's giving me a second chance, but those same old fears came running back with it. Besides, a lot has happened in her life too, and we're both pretty messed up. I can't even take care of myself, but still, I want to take care of her, I want to hold her through her rough nights, but how can I do that when, while my arms try to comfort her, my brain is shouting at me, trying to get me to run away. Dad, why is it that every time I'm in love, I want to run as far as I can instead of letting myself love? Can you tell me why I'm like that, why I shut everybody out, why I pretend like I don't need anybody when, obviously, it's not the case since I'm here now, calling you because I need you."

She was angry with herself, angry with her lack of opening, with her incapacity of letting go of her last walls. She wanted to tell Chloe so bad just how much she loved her and how bitterly she regretted her actions of the past. As the deadline for Aubrey approached, though, Beca instead distanced herself from Chloe, letting the redhead by herself, trying to convince herself it was what she wanted; she had asked, after all, for time alone. Beca knew it was only an excuse, and that her cowardice was bringing Chloe down even more than she already was, but she didn't know how to tell her how she felt.

It was her dad's voice that brought her back to reality, and she focused on his words.

"You need to tell her how you feel, Beca. I remember how hard it was for you to express how you felt when you were a kid. You were always so frustrated, always had so anger pent up inside of you because you never knew how to word out your feelings. You're a grown woman now, you love her, it's obvious. You just got to let her know that you may not be the best at showing it, but you'll _do_ your best. Beca, you're a good person, you'll do the right thing, and I know you want to run away, but don't make the same mistakes I did, you'll only regret them later."

Beca heard the hidden apologies in his voice and she let her head fall back on the stainless steel door behind her, sighing.

"Thanks, dad."

She clicked the end button on the screen and slowly rose to her feet. If she was to confess to Chloe, at least she'll do it formally. She opened her laptop and her internet browser to do some research. By the time the sun had set, Beca had gathered enough information to have a plan. She would have to wait until she met with Chloe the next week to execute it, though, and just the thought of it already made her feel better.

Miles away from Beca's busy apartment exactly seven days later, Chloe put her phone down and sighed. She was expected in twenty minutes at the care center for a formal meeting with the head director. She didn't tell Beca what she was about to do, she didn't want to put too much pressure on the brunette, at least that's what she told herself. Chloe knew she had been giving Beca the cold shoulder since they came back from their little escapade, and she hated herself for that, but she couldn't think of anything else than the deadline. They were supposed to meet at Beca's place after her work, but the redhead didn't know if she'd be able to go.

She stroked Maddie's head one last time on the front porch before climbing in her car.

It took fifteen minutes to drive to the center, another ten for the director to receive her, and an hour for her to sign the paper.

"Can we go over it one last time, please?" her voice was nothing more than a whimper, her hands twisting and clutching at her purse on her lap.

"Of course we can, Ms. Beale." The man in front of her said. He picked up the white piece of paper in front of him and cleared his throat "According to the contract you signed four years, eleven months and three weeks from now, you were to decide if you renewed the contract five years later. The contract which consisted of maintaining Ms. Aubrey Madeleine Posen's life through medical machinery after a car accident sent her into an irreversible coma. Still according to the same contract mentioned before, if you were to decide to not renew your contract, you would be to sign the authorization to terminate Ms. Posen's state of coma by stopping all machines keeping her artificially alive." He made a pause to look at Chloe, who was staring intensely at her shoes, trying to hold back the burning tears, her lips pursed together. "You chose to sign the authorization to terminate your contract, thereby on April sixth, at seven thirty in the morning; an appointed doctor will stop the machinery keeping Ms. Posen artificially alive. You have signed the authorization and therefor have accepted the implications of it."

He put down the papers again and waited until Chloe nodded. He hated these moments; they were the worst of his job. In an instant, she was standing, shaking his hands and thanking him curtly and the next second, she was out of his office.

Chloe ran down the stairs, choking back the sobs that menaced to make her fall to her knees and kill her. She could barely see where she was going, but she knew she had to get out of this place. She crashed on the emergency back door, emerging from inside like she had been underwater, her lungs screaming for oxygen. She gulped air, but it felt like a hole was sucking all of what she was taking in, nothing was actually going in her system, everything was nourishing that hole. She stumbled backwards until her back hit the brick wall and she slid down to the concrete floor. Her t-shirt stuck to the rough wall and her soft skin scratched, but she didn't even feel the pain.

With shaking hands, she got her phone out of her purse and managed to dial the only number she could think of right now. She clenched her jaws to muzzle up the scream bubbling in her throat, her eyes closed so tight she could see white and black dots behind her lids.

"Hey, Red." Beca's tone was light, almost playfull.

Chloe's mouth hung open, tears streaming down her cheeks, and she held the phone at the end of her arm, her other hand forming a fist to bite down so Beca wouldn't hear the pained moan coming from her gut.

"Chloe? Hello? Are you there? Are you butt-calling me?" Beca's voice was playful, but slightly worried.

"Beca" she croaked in the receiver, forcing herself to form words coherently. "Can you come and get me?"

"Chloe, are you alright? Where are you? What happened? Are you hurt? Chloe, talk to me!" she could feel something was awfully wrong with her girlfriend, but she didn't know what, and that sent panicked shivers down her spine.

"I'm at the center." That was all she needed so say for Beca to understand.

"Give me the address, I'll be there soon. Just… hang on, okay?"

"Okay." Was all she could mutter before sending her the address trough text message.

Beca didn't even look at the table set for two, with the letter she had taken a whole day to write, carefully folded in an envelope in Chloe's plate, she simply blew out the candles and turned off the stereo playing soft jazz and ran to her car. To hell with her date plans, she'd understood what had happened at the mention of her location, and she had to remind herself that if she crashed her car due to the speed she was driving, she wouldn't be of any use to Chloe.

It took her ten minutes to get there, and she was pretty sure she had ran a red light, or almost. She barged in the center and asked for Chloe Beale, but the woman at the front desk told her they hadn't seen her since she left, fifteen minutes earlier. Beca ran back outside and looked around, finally spotting the redhead near the dumpster. She almost missed her because she was curled up in a tight ball, squeezing her knees to her chest, her eyes red from crying and a blank expression on her face.

"Chloe." She said before falling down beside her and wrapping her arms around Chloe's suddenly tiny frame.

"It's done." The ginger blurted out before another wave of sobs raked through her shoulders, threatening to dislocate them.

"I'm right here. I love you." The words escaped her mouth before she could think about it, but Chloe held on tighter to her arm, leaning in her embrace.


	11. Chapter 11

Chloe was unable to move from the bed.

That was the first thing that came to her mind as she opened her eyes in the bedroom full of shadows. She tried her arms, but nothing moved, then her legs; still no response. Panic started to fill her lungs, she searched for something that looked familiar, but nothing was like she remembered. This wasn't her house, this wasn't her bedroom. She heard a ragged breath and gasped when she realized it was coming from her. She could feel the ice cold droplets of sweat forming on her forehead as she remained still, feeling a panic attack slowly invading her brain.

An arm thrown around her waist, a warm and soft touch, a body curled up by her side. Another breath, slow and steady, a smell that she could've recognized anywhere, and then it came back to her: she was at Beca's place, they were in the middle of the night.

The sickening hands of anxiety retreated slowly and Chloe soon cuddled closer to Beca, who was sound asleep, silently thanking her for saving her from a panic attack. She nestled her face in the brunette's tangled mane, smiling slightly before falling back asleep. Not for long, though, because an alarm went off two hours later, making both girls jolt out of sleep.

"How are you?" Beca mumbled, stirring in every sense before wrapping a very still Chloe in her arms.

"I don't know. How am I supposed to be?" she retorted dryly before feeling the usual tingling of fear and guilt choke her slowly.

"It's okay Chloe. You'll get through this. _We'll_ get through this." Beca reassured her with a soft smile, kissing her temple.

"I don't know what I would do without you. You've changed so much since… well, Barden, sometimes I feel like you're a completely different person. Then, you do something really dorky and I can't help but smile. You're still the same, you just decided to stay." Her voice was shaking, and her words were barely whispers, but Beca wiped away the lone tear rolling down her cheek with her thumb, smiling.

"I realized that this was my last chance, and I couldn't stand there and watch the woman I love crumble down because I couldn't get over my fear of commitment. I thought about it, I fought with myself to stay, you know. I'm not saying I want to leave, but…. I've never stayed before." She paused for a moment, fighting away the tears now forming in her eyes, and smiled at Chloe.

It wasn't the kind of smile she usually had, nor was it a sad or sorry smile. It was a half-smile, tugging at only one corner of her mouth, showing a little bit of teeth. Her smile was rather in her eyes, and it meant all the words her dry throat couldn't form right now. It was a smile for all of those she had missed. It was the smile of love, and Chloe smiled back with the same.

"And I'm glad I did." Beca finished before closing her eyes, leaning in for a kiss.

They were supposed to get dressed as they stepped in the shower. They were supposed to be leaving as Beca tangled her fingers in Chloe's damp hair. They were probably supposed to be at the salon when Beca got up from her knees, smiling so widely it hurt her cheeks.

They just decided to live the moment, according themselves a little rest before facing what was coming.

It had been almost two weeks since Chloe had signed the authorization to stop maintaining Aubrey alive through machinery and the day she went in to watch as they did it, she thought she would never be able to walk again. Her knees had buckled under her and Beca had led her to a seat right before she crashed down, crying frantically. She wanted to back away; she wanted to take back what she had said. She didn't want to say goodbye to Aubrey, she couldn't let go of her last thread of hope. Beca held her tightly, letting the older woman clutch at her shirt to the point she heard the seam rip slightly.

Beca watched, horrified, as Aubrey's body contorted and jumped when oxygen had left her lungs. The doctors watched, taking notes on their pads, as the blonde's soulless being slowly faded in death.

"Can't you do something to make it stop?!" Beca had shrieked, unable to look at the twitching body. "Why is she moving so much?" she added, holding Chloe's head to her chest, not letting her watch this.

"It's a muscle contraction. It should stop soon. Unfortunately, we cannot provide any medical help to Miss Posen, it's against the law." One of them answered, and Beca swore he looked away too.

It finally stopped about eight minutes later, and they explained that Aubrey's brain had stopped functioning due to lack of oxygen. The other doctor looked at the clock and as he stated time of death, a long shrill pierced the room. Chloe didn't realize it was coming from her until she felt her lungs burn from the carbon oxide filling them, and her throat was raw from her screaming.

Beca took Chloe out of the room and she saw from the corner of her eyes that the doctors slowly covered her still and lifeless body with a white sheet.

It took Chloe three days before she let Beca mention Aubrey again, and it took another two days to make all the arrangements for her funerals. The brunette called the other Bellas, and if they were surprised to hear of her, they were also shocked to hear about Aubrey's death. They had kept in touch, but they hadn't seen each other in years. Beca gave them minimal details about the situation, promising a further explanation when they'd get here. What none of them asked, though, was what was _she_ doing there with Chloe. That, too, would need some explications.

That's how they ended up at the funeral home, whispering hellos and small talks in the salon were Aubrey was exposed. When the brunette walked in, holding Chloe's hand, everybody turned to face them. As Stacie was about to say something, Ashley nudged her in the ribs, silencing the tall dark haired woman. Cynthia Rose was the first to come up to them, and she hugged Chloe silently.

When the redhead felt her former co-Bella's arms around her shoulders, she collapsed in her embrace, clinging at her shirt while Beca stood there, helpless. Cynthia Rose made sure she didn't fall to the ground, and held her tightly until she let go.

"It's alright, Chloe. We're here for you. It's alright." She soothed her, stroking her long and red hair.

When Chloe felt like she could walk again on her own, she grabbed Beca's hand once again and made her way to the coffin. Lying on her back, her hands gracefully crossed over her stomach, Aubrey looked so peaceful. She even had that natural smile, like she was saying thank you. Chloe wanted to shake her, just to make sure she was really gone, but when she extended her hand to do so, it fell on her cheek, and she caressed it slowly.

"I will love you even when you can't. I will love you even when you'll doubt it. I will love until I can't love anymore. That's what I promised to you, Aubrey, and that's what I'm going to do. I still feel guilty for the accident, but I think I'm going to be okay. Help me get through this, don't leave me completely, baby, please…" Chloe's voice trailed off and she mouthed the last words, not really saying them.

She watched closely, waiting for some kind of detail that would give it away, that would let her know that her fiancée wasn't really gone. Inside of her, though, Chloe knew the woman who had been her best friend, her confident, and her lover, for so long was gone forever and nothing could change that. She went back to Beca, who had the delicacy to wait a few feet away.

"Did you hear what I said?" Chloe asked, and the brunette didn't see a point in lying, so she simply nodded. "That was what I had planned to say on our wedding day. My vows to her. I didn't want her to go without hearing them. I know it's dumb because she's already gone, but…"

"It's not dumb." Beca cut her off, fidgeting with her bottom lip with her teeth before continuing. "When my grandma died, four years ago, I was in such a mess. She was my father's mother, and she had always made it easier for me to speak about my feelings. When she passed away, I went to the funerals and my dad told me to tell her anything I'd like. I scoffed at him, trying to protect myself because I felt so empty, like I could never be the same again, but then I walked up to her coffin. You know what I did? I came out to her. I said 'Grandma, I know you're dead, but I just couldn't live without telling you. Maybe I'm a coward for saying it so late, but I didn't know if you'd accept me otherwise. I'm a lesbian, grandma, but I'm still your little girl, and I love you' and I waited for a sign, or something. Nothing came, obviously, but later on, my dad asked me what I told her and I said I came out to her. He gave me an envelope with my name written on it. I read it, and in the end, she said 'p.s. : I hope you'll find the perfect girl, and when you do, you'll see the sun shine on a rainy day and the storm in your head will go away. I love you.'"

Beca shut her mouth and looked at Chloe, who was smiling through her tears.

"I think I found my perfect girl. She's a mess of red hair, she gets excited over little things, she's very sensitive and right now, she's going through one hell of a rough time. But whenever she's with me, the sun shines and the storm in my head keeps quiet." Beca added after a few seconds, rubbing her nose on Chloe's with a soft smile.

"How can you make me feel so good when I should be crushed by guilt and pain, Beca?" Chloe asked, looking deadly serious.

"I don't know, but I hope to be able to do that for a very, very long time."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N : this story is coming to an end, lovely readers! There might be one or two more chapters, including the epilogue, so get prepared ;) also, this isn't the ending I had planned, but I think it fits their reality better than the one I fantasized in my head :) I hope you're going to like this and please, as always, let me know what you think!**

She was slowly going back to a normal life.

That is if you could call waking up at two in the afternoon and going to bed a five in the morning a _normal_ life. Sure, there were days where she would still doubt herself, but the reason in her mind told her that she could go over this as many times as she liked, it was done now, and there was no turning back.

Lying with her eyes open, she was searching for something to focus on, something that would distract her overwhelming thoughts. Movement beside her made her stiffen, she didn't want to wake her girlfriend up, _again_. Beca needed sleep more than her, and the brunette worked crazy shifts at the studio since she picked up two new bands. Chloe held her breath, waiting for her stirring to stop, and couldn't help the grin from stretching her lips when Beca threw an arm around her waist, pulling her close even in her sleep.

Over the last three months, Beca had been the one thing holding Chloe together after Aubrey's funerals. She had listened to her rambling about silly things she would remember about Aubrey, knowing all too well the relief it brought to the redhead to be able to talk about her. She had moved in quite in spite of herself. It was just easier when she'd collect Chloe from the bar to crash at her place rather than drive to her own apartment. Besides, Chloe's queen bed was much more comfortable than her one place mattress.

"Are you okay?" she heard Beca ask with a sleepy voice, and her smile grew sad for waking her up once again.

"I'm fine, go back to sleep, Beca." She replied, wrapping her arm around her shoulders to hug her tightly.

"I can smell the smoke coming out of your ears from your overthinking." She shot back, her eye still closed but a smirk tugging at her mouth.

"You need to sleep, I'll be okay." She tried, but the brunette sighed and nudged her in the ribs, opening one eye.

"Come on, talk or I'll tickle." She menaced, placing a threatening hand over her weak spot.

"It's just that… I don't know. I feel bad for going back to a normal life with somebody else. It just feels like it's not right, you know? Like after such a short period of time, I shouldn't be happy with somebody else, not even you. I love you, and that's what's scaring me. Is it normal to fall in love with another girl so soon after losing the one you were ready to marry?"

Beca didn't know what to answer to this. Ever since Chloe had made the decision to let go of Aubrey and engage in their relationship, the things that would keep her up at night would concern Aubrey, and her grieving, not them as a couple. She was suddenly afraid of Chloe's concern, because it led her to a path of thoughts she didn't want to go on right now. _What if their chance had passed when she flew away in college? What if life had screwed them both one too many times and things could never be as what they could've been? What if they could never be in love and together like they should've been back at Barden? _It took her several minutes before she could form a coherent answer to her girlfriend's worries.

"I don't know, Chloe. Does it feel right when you're with me?" she counter-asked, feeling a pang of anticipation clung at her heart as the idea of Chloe not being happy with her crossed her mind.

"Yeah, it does… I guess. I don't know, Beca." She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, trying to hold back the all too familiar tears building her behind her closed eyelids.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" The brunette was fully awake now, and perched on one of her elbow, fixing her gaze into Chloe' s glistening blue eyes.

"I've been through a lot Beca, and even if I _did _ make the right decision, you can't expect me to just bounce back into a normal couple life." For reasons she couldn't really grasp, Chloe felt a sudden anger rise in her and she sighed heavily, brushing Beca's reassuring hand off her stomach.

"Chloe, don't shut me out. I know only too well what it can do to a person. " Beca pleaded meekly, her words squeezing out of her knotted throat.

"I'm not shutting you out, Beca, I'm just… tired, that's all." Chloe rubbed her eyes, untangling her messy hair with one of her hand as an attempt to calm her wrecked nerves.

"Let's go back to sleep then." The brunette soothed with a soft smile, already feeling her fatigue taking over as she drifted in her world of dreams.

Chloe closed her eyes and focused on Beca's slow and steady breathing for a while, wishing she could go back to sleep too. She couldn't, though, not when such thoughts were submerging her mind, drowning the love she had for the younger woman in an ocean of doubts. It wasn't the first time the redhead had thought about their relationship, but it had been the first time she had opened up to Beca about it. She was aware her girlfriend had sacrificed a lot to be with her, to share her burden, but Chloe was starting to think that, maybe, they had missed their opportunity. _Maybe it is too late for us_, she thought to herself, feeling a lone tear roll down her cheek; the only noticeable trace of the torment in her heart right now.

The next morning, Beca woke up to an empty bed and she sighed. This had happened before, and just like the other times, the brunette knew she'd find a note scotched on the fridge or on the counter saying Chloe was out for a jog with Maddie or somewhere really important and urgent that couldn't wait for Beca to wake up and join her. The lonely girl sighed once again before throwing her legs out of the bed, slipping her feet into her worn-out slippers out of habit.

Something cold and frigid met the sole of her feet and she jumped in the middle of the bed, ready to hiss at whatever it was. Slowly, she risked a glance at her slippers and saw that it was just a piece of paper that probably fell from her nightstand. Picking it up, she realized it was a handwritten note. Her eyes immediately went to the bottom of the paper and when she saw Chloe's name, she swallowed the hard lump forming in her throat. This couldn't mean good news.

'_Beca,_

_I am terribly sorry, I wish I could've told you this face to face. I'm not sure this whole thing is a good idea. Maybe this was all a mistake. You sure helped me through a very rough time, and I will forever be thankful for that, but now, going back to a normal life, I don't know how to do that by myself, even less with somebody else. I wish there was an easy way for this, but nothing is easy when you love, I learned that a long time ago. _

_I'm at a friend's house for the week end. I took Maddie. I think that'll give you enough time to bring your stuff back to your own apartment. If you want to, we can talk when I come back, but I'd understand if you didn't want to._

_Chloe'_

Beca didn't really know she was crying until she stared at the perfectly round droplet of salty water wet the paper she was barely holding.

All of the efforts she had made not to run away, and Chloe was the one rushing off. Beca couldn't blame her though, because she understood perfectly her motives. She just wish she hadn't let herself fall for the redhead again so easily, so that her heart wouldn't be shattering into pieces right now. She had promised to herself not to get hurt again, and she had forgotten for so long about everything that had happened at Barden that she actually had forgotten why. Then the souvenirs came back, but not the reason why she had to forget. Now, it was crystal clear : she couldn't stand to feel this vulnerable, this heartbroken.

With her mind still buzzing with questions she blatantly ignored, Beca packed up all of the belongings she had accumulated at Chloe's house. Looking at the three clothing bags and her spare set of laptop and mixing equipment all piled up in the doorway made her stomach flip. She didn't want to break down, not right now, not when she was still at Chloe's place, not when she could feel everything irradiating Chloe. She needed her space, she needed her stuff, needed to be surrounded by Beca, not by what she had dared to call her life for the past six months. She could hear Chloe's voice ringing in her ears, telling her she didn't want to lose her, not again.

_Yet this time, she's the one running away._

Beca shook her head, forcing herself to think with her reason instead of her feelings, because right now, her heart was aching to find Chloe, to pour her heart out to her, to _beg _of her to not let go, to give them a chance, just a little more time, anything, really. She didn't want to be that girl, she didn't want to be this girl that grabbed onto people who didn't know if they wanted you in their life anymore. Her walls had quickly built up in the time it took her to get her stuff together, and if she understood Chloe's decision, it didn't make it less painful.

Coming home had a very different meaning this time when Chloe slid the key in the hole at her front door. Maddie was frantically pacing around her, obviously excited to see Beca again. The two had finally gotten along when Beca stopped being afraid of the dog.

It had happened one night Chloe was working, Maddie had swallowed something that she wasn't supposed to and she couldn't breathe anymore. Beca had brought the dog to the ER vet on the other side of town in a record time, thus saving the Mastiff's life. That's when she realized that anything Chloe loved, Beca was bound to like at one point. After that, Maddie had became even fonder of the brunette, but this time the feeling was mutual.

When the redhead opened the door, her dog ran inside but found no Beca to greet her. She came back to Chloe, whining, before going on a searching mission everywhere in the house. It broke Chloe's heart even more than when they left, seeing her dog miss the girl. She missed Beca too, but even though she loved the younger girl in ways she wasn't sure she was supposed to after all that happened in previous months, engaging herself in another relationship so soon had been a mistake. _Sometimes, even love isn't enough,_ Chloe sighed mentally, pulling her suitcase in before calling Maddie for a walk.

The house felt cold and empty even if Beca's things had mostly been in her bedroom. It was like something was missing, and it sure was, but Chloe remembered something her mother had told her the first time she broke up with a girl ; every decision you make is right at the time you make it. She had been right to try with Beca, just as she had been right to stop it.

For once, Chloe was determined to give herself some time to recover before trying to bounce back.

"She's gone, Maddie." She said to her dog, scratching the big animal behind the ears. "And it's my fault. I'm sorry baby girl."

She kissed the Mastiff's head with a sigh before wiping away the tears that had started to fall without her noticing. As she went in the kitchen to get her dog's leash, Chloe saw a note pinned to a little gift box nicely wrapped on the kitchen counter. Bitting her bottom lip, she unfolded the note and read it, her heart sinking deeper in her chest with every line.

'_Chloe,_

_I hope you'll be able to go back to a somewhat normal life after everything. I wish I could be angry at you, but I'm not. I understand what you did, and even though being the one left standing alone feels awful, I'll be okay. _

_I love you._

_Please, take care of you._

_And Maddie._

_Beca'_

Chloe silently put her hand over her open mouth, covering the unheard scream that wanted to come out so badly. She felt like a horrible person, doing this to Beca, but how could she stay with her when she wasn't sure it was _right_? The redhead slumped to the tiled ground, the little box in her hand. With shaking fingers, she undid the ribbon and unwrapped it slowly. Inside was a necklace with a pendant. It was a crotchet rest which meant a silence, a pause, during a song. Carved on the back of it was a small note ; _sometimes, a pause in time makes all the difference._ A happy birthday card was slid between the cushions of the velvet box, and Chloe felt her throat tighten even more.


	13. Chapter 13

Sometimes, you just need to cry and not do anything else.

Beca had never thought of herself as somebody to weep over somebody else. Sure, she had been hurt and had grieved for people who left her, but she had never felt like _this_. Like her chest wasn't whole, like something was missing, as if a piece ― or her whole ― heart was gone. She didn't know what to do, so she shut down her mind, and let her body do what it wanted. She curled up in a tight ball on her bed, not even taking the time to actually get under the blankets. As if that was all it took for the valves to open, tears sprung out of her eyes and she was shocked at first that she was actually crying.

The brunette always thought of herself as strong, well at least she wanted to think of herself that way, otherwise, it would only mean that what she had looked down on for so long had caught her in the end. She couldn't possibly one of those girl, who fall in love for the same person twice, who give all of their heart to one person only. She didn't _want_ to be one of those girls.

Because if she was, then it meant that she had loved Chloe all along, never quite stopping to hae that giant crush on her from Barden, simply pushing the memory so far in the back of her mind, it collected dust, letting her think she had forgotten about everything. Obviously, she hadn't, otherwise she wouldn't be trying to calm down her hands, twitching in her lap, clutching at a napkin. Her eyes shot up when she heard the little bell from the restaurant door tinkle. Her hopeful smile slopped down as her gaze didn't meet with the one she was waiting for.

It was three days later when she had finally worked up the courage to call Chloe. Part of her hated to feel this _need_ for closure, for reassurance, for one last chance to look at her beautiful face. She knew it would hurt like nothing before, but she couldn't sleep at night, wondering what had happened between now and then for the redhead to change her mind so quickly. Another part of her was angry, and sad, and miserable, and furious, and all other feelings that shouldn't mix in a woman's heart and mind.

_"Hello?" the redhead had said when she picked up._

_"…Hi…" Beca's strangled the word out of her suddenly tightening throat._

_"Beca." It was only a sigh, and Beca wasn't sure if it was of relief or annoyance, and she muffled the cry of pain by biting her clenched fist._

_"I want to talk." She had finally croaked, breathing heavily to restrain the raking sobs from alerting Chloe._

_"Ok. Where do you want to meet?" she had hesitated, Beca had heard it over the line, and she wanted to scream, she wanted to be angry at her, but instead, she was left with another whole punched in her heart; Chloe was hurting too._

_"The restaurant right by my studio, this afternoon, around two pm." She had practiced saying this for almost an hour, but saying it to the person it was addressed to was another thing, and Beca had to shut her mouth tight right after when she heard Chloe's stern answer._

_"I'll be there."_

The brunette shook her head, and droplets of tears fell on the table, startling her. How long had she been crying? Quickly, she wipe them away, drying her cheeks just as Chloe walked in. The older woman had to remind herself she had left to not run to Beca and hold her close, telling her everything was alright. She had to remember herself that she had no right to do this, not anymore, not when she was the one to walk out. She knew only too well what the brunette was going through, because six years because, Chloe had been there, and because of Beca. Slowly, calculating her every step, Chloe walked over to the table were Beca sat, an untouched cup of coffee in front of her.

"You came."

Beca's stunned look made Chloe's insides twist and she felt a heave of pain in her chest, making the breath clutch in her throat as she was about to say hi.

"Of course." She answered dryly before shaking her head, tears already forming at the corner of her eyes. "I'm sorry, really."

Beca wasn't sure if she was apologizing for the cold tone or for what she'd done, but she realize she didn't really want to know. A sudden anger rose inside of her and she tamed it with the promise of getting her questions answered later on. For now, she wanted to touch Chloe's face, she wanted to kiss those pink lips, to caress that scar at the root of her hair, to swim in those ocean blue eyes. She wanted Chloe, she wanted her so badly, when the redhead looked away, it made her want to run away. Beca couldn't stand to see her hurt like this, and it almost made her forget why she had wanted to talk.

"Chloe, please, look at me." She extended a hand, but when she brushed Chloe's, the redhead hid her hands under the table. "What happened?"

It was more a plea than a question, and Beca realized just how desperate she sounds, but she doesn't care, not anymore.

"I don't know what happened." It came as a soft whisper, and the brunette wasn't quite sure she had spoken until she lifted her gaze and looked at her, but Beca felt more like she looking through her, not really seeing her.

"I don't know what happened; I don't know what will happen. All I know is that being with you feels good, but it doesn't feel right. I can't do this when my head is somewhere else, I can't do this when my heart is still longing for somebody else. I love you, I really do, but it's not right to love you because Aubrey can't be here to love me. I don't want to put you through this, I don't want anybody to suffer like me. I'd rather lose you than love you wrong, Beca. Can't you see this is sick and twisted? _For God's sake you kissed me at my fiancée's funerals, Beca!_"

Her last sentence had been more of a slow and long cry than words, and the brunette flinched. She knew Chloe was right, that this wasn't the typical relationship, but somewhere along the way, she had finally convinced herself that it was enough for them to love each other, that they could go through this together. What Beca hadn't realized is that Chloe had been forever scared by this, and she wasn't quite the Chloe she had come to know in college. She was different, and nothing could make the redhead come back to what she was before. She had lost her innocence.

"Okay."

It was all Beca could say, and she had to repeat it to herself multiple times before the words sank in.

"Okay. Okay, Chloe, okay."

Shocked by Beca's apparent calm and comprehensive expression, Chloe was about to apologize, she was this close to tell her to forget everything, that she would come back if she asked, when the brunette smiled. It was the saddest smile Chloe had ever seen, and it made her heart screech. She hated to be the cause of that smile, but Beca's eyes didn't even reflect something close to bitterness. They were sad, simply and plainly sad.

"Take care of yourself, okay?" She said before getting up.

The smile had twitched a little when she had spoken, but when she reached down and kissed Chloe's forehead, the older woman almost jerked her head up to have that one last kiss before letting go completely. She didn't, though, and Beca wished she had while silently thanking her for not doing it. She walked away from Chloe, one last time, but now it was different: the redhead had wanted this. She wanted for Beca to have a happy life, and she couldn't provide it, not when she was still mourning the loss of the one that had saved her from her heartbreak from the very same woman stepping out of the restaurant.

Chloe sat at the restaurant for a while after Beca left, unsure why she simply couldn't leave, but when she did, it was getting dark outside. Shivering from the cold breeze, she let her feet rag her back to her car, but instead, she ended up at Beca's studio door. She looked up and saw the lights on, but she sighed and turned back, this time heading to her car.

In the studio, headphones carefully plugged and sound blasting in her ears, Beca was mixing on her own. It had been years since she had mixed something that wasn't for work. She had booted up her old computer and ran her fingers over her mixing table, sitting in her worn-out leather chair. Picking two random songs from her music library, she had started to search a way to make them match until she realized those songs could never go together. One was a slow bass beat, the other one was an upbeat with a fast rhythm. _Just like Chloe and me._ The thought had sank in and she had felt her eyes water, _again_.

THE END.

**A/N : sorry that it was such a short chapter for the last one! There will be an epilogue, don't worry! And soon, I promise :) I hope you guys will get why I chose this ending, and if not, feel free to message me and I'll explain my reasons if you need me to :) I don't mean to do that just to upset you, really, but it felt like what would fit the best, because as some of you may have realized, I don't write fics just to have happy endings, I'm trying to go for the realistic ending, and fact is; sometimes things just don't turn out the way you want them to. But keep hope, because love is louder ;)**


	14. Epilogue Hope

"You wouldn't dare."

"I swear if you don't stop this right now you're going to regret this."

"Oh God please stop!"

"No, no! I promise you, you'll pay for this!"

The door burst open and out came running a small brunette, chased by four other people; two girls and two young men. She almost tripped on her own feet as she stumbled down the stairs to reach the entry door, feeling the others get closer.

"Come on guys! Stop this!" she shot, looking back only to see them still holding their guns up, aiming at her.

She shrieked and crashed on the glass door, but not before they all pulled the trigger. She screamed in shock as they continued shooting at her, twitching like a fish out of the water every time she was hit, until she couldn't breathe anymore. They finally stopped, smiles spread wide across their features and all started laughing at the same time.

Beca pouted, her back still to them, and managed to scoff audibly over their fit of laughter. She was soaking wet and they were all dry.

"I swear if you don't stop laughing…" but she couldn't finish her sentence because a giggle escaped her throat and she covered her mouth in shock.

The band barked another laugh, clutching at their stomach and still holding their water guns, and soon Beca was laughing too, even though she had tried to be mad at them, she couldn't. She wrung her shirt, letting water drip from it, before motioning for the quartet to follow her.

"Come on, I'm soaked and it's freezing here, let's go somewhere you can't actually shoot me without looking like idiots." She said, a bubble of laughter still lodged in her throat as she spoke.

They climbed in her car, but not before Beca changed her shirt, and drove away from the studio. The band was celebrating their third album selling over a hundred thousand copies in a record time, earning them a music award for the first time. Beca had always loved that band, and for them to come and see her for their third album; one they wanted to be more like them and reflect their views on life. Their two first albums had been about pleasing the public, reaching out for a large audience but not really doing the kind of music they wanted. Beca was the one to go to when you wanted to produce something good and personal; everybody knew that in the music industry.

She asked them where they wanted to go, and one of the guy said he knew a small bar where the food was delicious and cheap, and it was never jam packed so they could have a quiet celebration just the five of them. Beca agreed and he led them to the bar. Her heart clenched in her chest when she realized what bar he was directing them to. When they stop in front of the shady façade, the girls in the back shivered, but the guy assured them it was a nice place, with nice barmaids.

"Yeah, he's right." Beca heard herself say.

"You know that bar?" he asked, visibly surprised.

"Yeah." Was her only answer, and the sad look on her features made him wonder if they should go somewhere else. "What are you guys waiting for?"

Beca was already out of the car, and ready to go inside. She waited for the band to come out, their members exchanging an unsure look. They had realized how secret their producer was a while ago, but this particular bar seemed to have sprung memories in Beca's mind, and they weren't sure they were good memories. Seeing as the brunette wasn't complaining or asking to go somewhere else, they figured it was ancient history and followed her inside.

When they walked in, Beca felt like she was back in time. The same faces shot up to see who was coming in, and she saw herself walking in that bar, a year ago, not thinking it would alter her life forever. Her throat tightened and she walked to a table, fearing to look for more than five seconds at the bar. She wanted to kick herself for hoping to see a certain barmaid walk over them, and she wanted to wash away the tears building at the corner of her eyes when it wasn't that barmaid who came to them.

"What can I get you guys?" she asked, smiling and looking at everybody.

When her eyes fell on Beca's features, her smile faltered a little bit, but not long enough for the brunette to catch it. Before she could order, a voice she knew all too well spoke from the other end of the bar.

"Whiskey, with ice."

The brunette's gaze shot up to the source of that voice, and she wanted to wipe the grin curling up her lips, but she just couldn't.

"That's right." She said to the barmaid, but her eyes were locked on Chloe's face.

She got up, excusing herself from the band, who had watched in utter incomprehension as their producer's face melted while darkening at the same time. Beca walked over to Chloe and before she had time to push her away, the redhead was hugging her, her face buried in her hair.

"I miss you." She muttered, and Beca's smile stumbled on her lips, drifting down a little bit.

"I miss you too." She replied, letting go of Chloe's waist to look her in the face.

The redhead looked away, and Beca was tempted to lift her chin up, to kiss her, to hold her in arms. She never wanted to be with the woman more than right now, seeing her so happy just because she was here made her yearn to see that look in her eyes every morning.

"How are you?" Chloe asked, and Beca swore she heard a silent demand underneath those words; the redhead wanted her to be okay without, she wanted her to reassure her, to tell her she had made the right thing six months ago, that she hadn't hurt her in vain.

"I'm holding on." Beca didn't want to lie, she couldn't tell Chloe she was doing fine on her own when she still cried over her some nights, especially when she'd remember something random about them; everything would trigger a souvenir and it slowly killed her.

She had tried. Really. There was simply no other woman like Chloe, and Beca realized too late that even if she was broken and not quite the Chloe she fell in love with, somewhere in their journey, Beca had fallen even harder for that Chloe who was standing in front of her.

"Good." Chloe answered, and Beca heard the words she didn't want to say: I'm sorry.

"Do you, uh, want to grab lunch or a coffee sometimes?" Beca asked with a half-smile, looking down at her hand who had grabbed Chloe's and was now playing with her fingers absentmindedly.

"Sure."

They were beaming. They were smiling. They couldn't look away from the other's eyes. It's like they were hypnotized, like they were in their own little world. Beca broke their silence first, and she could hear her heart pounding in her temples.

"It's a date then."

Chloe's nod was almost imperceptible but her smile gave her away as she leaned in, her lips brushing the side of Beca's mouth as she placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

"It's a date." She answered before letting go of her hand and going back to work.

Beca floated back to her table and her friends ― because at some point, Beca had admitted to herself that this band wasn't just another band, they meant much more to her than another record skyrocketing at the top of the charts ― eyed her suspiciously. She rolled her eyes and proposed a toast to their success and friendship, which made them talk about something else than what just happened.

_Maybe it isn't too late, after all._


End file.
